Profiling Myself (Part 3: Emails)

So I wrote out my profile and I described what kind of guy I was hoping to find. And then I started checking out other people's profiles. It was fun! Kind of like online shopping-- this one's doesn't seem to be my style, this one's not my size, this one looks nice but I bet it wouldn't go with anything I already have....

Then I started getting emails. And I was actually pretty worried about the communication aspect of this-- since we are meeting each other ONLINE, I wondered how will I tell the normal guys apart from the weirdos and douches?

Well I got a couple of normal sounding emails. And then I started to get ones like this:

hi

Your long awaited search is over……for I am the man of your dreams.

The prophecy has been foretold…..at the Starbucks…… first, we get married…..and then……you’re bound to dream about me eventually……because after all…. I’m your spouse.

So retroactively speaking, I am the man of your dreams.

You’re moving a little fast for me though……you might start off by simply replying to this message.

I’m not sure what the Starbucks had to do with this prophecy, but I think we’re supposed to go there.

And this:

Hello thurr! 

You're pretty funny. We'd get along famously, we would. For some reason, that sounded really, really British in my head. You know, we have something in common. I too, am chock full of cliches. Sad, but true. Soooo feel free to peruse my shameless promotion...erm profile. If ya like what you see, maybe we can talk more :-)

And this:

Hi

Your profile name caight my attention bc of the roy part at the end*

My name is Roy.

So I got curious and looked.

Anyway everyone loves a nurse, or at least I do.

I see them as most women see firefighters

Anyway you seem interesting!

Hope to hear from ya

Roy

*I have no idea to what he is referring.


And this one, from "Bunzofsteel2010"


hey
your tattoos are hot

FROM BUNZOFSTEEL2010. Wow. I mean, there were plenty of ridiculous usernames on there-- ASoulmateSearcher, Clever1Dater, Manofurdreams-- but this dude took the cake. Bunzofsteel2010. Bunz. Of STEEL. Some of you were worried that my profile might inspire rather generic, uninteresting responses. Let me tell you, THAT was not the issue.