Saturday, January 9, 2010

Ways to Disappoint Your Girlfriend

Hey, guys! Are you tired of dealing with your girlfriend? Is her self esteem just a little to high? Does she seem to have just a few too many expectations of you? If you answered yes, well then look no further! Below you will find some time-saving, easy, convenient ways to disappoint your girlfriend and probably take her down a peg or two....

Don't get her a Christmas present.

Don't get her a birthday present.

Don't do anything for Valentine's Day.

Forget your anniversary.

Go to Vegas with your friends over your anniversary.

Go to Brazil with your friends over your anniversary.

Bring her back a pair of earrings from Brazil that give her horrendous ear infections.

Tell her she should work out more.

Lie to her.

Cheat on her.

Tell her she's crazy for not trusting you.

Call her on your anniversary-- to ask her to send you some cash.

Care more about clothes than she does.

Don't introduce her as your girlfriend.

Send your friend an intricately planned out and thoughtful birthday present but get her something generic or nothing at all.

Tell her you're too broke to pay for anything.

Spend all your money on alcohol.

Spend all her money on alcohol.

Don't call her.

Call her, but don't feel like talking.

Talk to her, but don't feel like listening.

Listen to her, but don't offer any empathy.

Tell her you don't like her friends and/or family.

Tell her that your friends and/or family don't like her.

Tell her she's overreacting when she catches you in your web of lies.

Refuse to discuss said web of lies.

Don't invite her to social events with you (weddings, family occasions, parties hosted by mutual friends).

Always want to go to the same greasy spoon restaurant even though it makes her feel sick.

Always split the check, even though you make a lot more money than she does.

Break up with her by deleting her as a friend on Myspace.

Break up with her on a text message.

Break up with her by not answering her phone calls.

Don't break up with her, but just say that you want to take "a break" (Since you're not technically together you can flirt/hook up with other girls. See the nice loophole?)

Wear V necks.

Steal from her.

Tell her she's not as pretty as she used to be.

Tell her she's gotten heavier.

Hang out in Hermosa Beach.

Well there you go, guys. Sounds pretty effective, right? Good luck to you. Oh, and here's a little something in honor of you showing your true colors.

Happy douching, asshats.