Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The answer is, unfortunately, yes.

Last night, I'm sitting down to eat my grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup while watching a Will & Grace rerun and I notice a number of tiny black flakes in my soup. These likely represent the teflon coating that has been chipping off one of my pots at an alarming rate. But do I eat it? Am I actually that lazy? Will I probably get cancer?

Saturday, September 27, 2008


So apparently me getting up at or before 5 am for three days in a row is bad. And not just because I can't seem to get my brain working and I'm having trouble writing any of these sentences at all, let alone coherently. I came over to Michelle's house today and declined her offer of going to a party with her and her boyfriend because I just couldn't fathom the idea of making polite conversation with strangers for the afternoon. Instead I took a luxurious shower and collapsed into bed. But then I realized I had left the timed heater lamp thing on in the bathroom. Which meant that it was ticking and I wanted to turn it off. So I stood up from bed probably too quickly, got a headrush, stepped awkwardly onto the ground with my right foot and slammed my left foot, medial malleolus-first into a dresser/pile of boxes. And it effing HURT! And, five hours later, it still hurts. Good thing I'm not, oh I don't know, in a demanding academic program wherein I'm required to run around a hospital unit and stand for extensive periods of time. Yep, good thing.

Friday, September 26, 2008

A good start to my day

This morning I stood in front of the mirror trying to extract an eyelash from my eye. Then I realized that what I thought was an eyelash was really just an exceptionally straight, dark blood vessel. Which basically means that I poked myself in the eye for 5 minutes for NO REASON. Oh, and that I'm insane.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Pac 10 Opener. Represent!

Well tomorrow is USC vs. Oregon State which is awesome, but also kind of suckey since I'll be missing most of the game because it starts at 6 and I won't even get home till 8 or 8:30. And I can't wear any of my USC paraphernalia because I have to wear my uniform.

Fortunately, I pimp my act with Trojan Pride on my back.

Forced Lecture= Bad, Forced Socialization = Good

It's officially the middle of week 3, not that any (and all) of us are counting. Today we had class in the morning and I was looking forward to coming home to prepare for the next couple of days and relax in the afternoon. But then Michelle informed me that she had gotten an email and was supposed to spread the word that this new student interprofessional lecture thing was required for all of us to go to in the afternoon.

And so I started my internal complaining that lasted for the next several hours.
I had some good points, I thought:
1. You can't tell us we have to go to a lecture on the day of the lecture. Not all of us check our email obsessively. I do, but you don't know that.
2. I have two essentially 14+ hour days (if you count commuting, which I do) ahead of me, so I desperately need any amount of downtime on Wednesday afternoons that I can get. I need to read my textbook and learn about my patient's diagnosis, treatment, and meds. I need to set out my clothes and belongings for the next couple of days. I need to eat an early dinner, take a hot bath, and put on my jammies so that I can trick myself into falling asleep ridiculously early. I need to get into my very specific wednesday afternoon routine because there is a very real danger that anything that disrupts it will render me incapable of getting the amount of rest required for the next two days!!!
3. I don't want to go.

But, being the rule abiding student I am, I went. And actually, I'm glad I did. Not because the content was particularly enlightening (note to scientists/medical professionals: when planning an event that requires creativity such as the skits that were performed today, it's okay to ask for help!! People have different talents. There is a reason why some people are writing the movies, some people are watching the movies, and some people are operating on the moviegoer who aspirated their popcorn), but because it gave me an opportunity to interact with my classmates outside of class. It was good, remembering how nice everybody is and how much I do enjoy their company. And it was probably good for me to be forced to do this because it is highly likely I would have otherwise gone home and sat on my couch. I think it would be pretty easy to let school and exhaustion take over my life and I'll admit I've let it happen to a certain extent.

So the lessons from today:
1. Interdisciplinary collaboration in healthcare is good.
2. I might talk big about skipping a lecture but once I know it's mandatory it's pretty much guaranteed that I'll show up.
3. I need to take advantage of opportunities for social interactions so as not to find myself home on Saturday nights with Bowie (no offense, Bowie)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A New Appreciation for Old Jeans

Well today was productive, but not in the sense of homework or school. I had to get out of my house so I did what comes naturally-- I went to Thrift Town where I bought a pair of jeans and a scented candle (I've been needing a scented candle for my bathroom because, well, it's Bowie's bathroom too, TMI?). I had thoughts of going to the bookstore and buying the sequel to Twilight, but after hearing that this New Moon book is similarly lacking in the hot and heavy department, I kind of lost momentum. So I puttered around my house, doing the dishes and organizing my desk, until it was time to have dinner with Diana. We agreed to meet halfway between our houses and I ended up getting there about 25 minutes before her (the public transportation system in SF, while superior, is not flawless) so I agreeably went to Out of the Closet. And I ended up finding another pair of jeans!

So, I'm rather excited. Because while many people do not believe me when I mention in the first time, I have a rather large posterior. I'm not sure why, but people seem to want to believe that "oh she thinks she has a big ass, but she's just a skinny white girl." Which is not true. It's big. Trust me. So anyhow, jeans that fit are just hard to find period, am I right ladies? Add to this the fact that my butt is a size or three larger than my waist and it can make the jeans-finding a rather frustrating exercise. Actually, it's not so bad now that I'm aware that having an expansive behind is actually not an undesirable characteristic. But in high school, when my curves started appearing in what I understood to be the wrong hemisphere of my body, pants shopping often reduced me to tears.

But in the coming years I've been able to find pants that fit. And actually the pants that fit BEST are Apple Bottoms, but I don't think I can get away with the flamboyant gold accents on an everyday basis. So I often end up spending far too much on jeans that end up disappointing me-- the waist is actually too big and folds out, or the legs are too long (and no I'm not getting my jeans hemmed, I don't have that kind of commitment), or they do that muffin top thing. But today I think I've come up with a solution-- thrift store jeans. They are cheap, often of a quality brand, and someone else has already broken them in. It's perfect! I'll just have to watch out for crabs.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Here, Content Crawler, try this on for size!

Attempting to trick my content crawler thingy into posting ads on my page that have something to do with things I love and NOTHING to do with.... um.... an idlife-may isis-cray.

Okay, here goes.

Some acceptable ad subjects!- roller coasters, satyrs, costumes, magic, unicorns, books, the ocean, pickles, scented candles, apple cider, kittens, buttons and bows, plumerias, music, unicorns, lazing about, hot baths, snow, making soap, pedicures, tea sets, holidays, presents, mall pretzels, musicals, football, pie, laughing, shooting stars, unicorns...


Thursday- Got up at 4:55 am, left the house by 5:10, got to the hospital at 6 to look up info on my patient for the day, had our preconference meeting and got started with my nurse at about 7:15. Worked on the unit until 7 pm. Drove home. Took a quick shower, ate dinner, set out my clothes for the next day, kissed Bowie. Fell asleep at 10:30 when my head hit the pillow.
Friday- Woke up at 3 am for NO REASON AT ALL. Fell back asleep 15ish minutes later. Got up at 5:45 am, left the house at 6:00, got to the hospital at 6:45. Worked on the unit until 7:15 pm. Drove home. Went out to get a movie. Stopped at McDonald's on the way home for a double cheeseburger, fries, side salad, and a chocolate milkshake. It. Was. Delicious. Slept for 12 solid hours.
Saturday- Spent the majority of the day staring into space. Went to an engagement party in the evening.
Today- Woke up early with a new determination to GET SOME SHIT DONE. Ran on the treadmill. Lifted weights. Vacuumed. Put clothes away. Made grocery list. Went out to visit with Flynne & Tyler. Had minor setback and drove through McDonald's for the second time in three days. But by god them's some good milkshakes.

The Halloween Hunt Begins

I'm a little ashamed of myself that I really haven't gotten my act together as far as Halloween is concerned. Today I begin my quest for costumage although I'm frankly disappointed by my lack of ideas. Here's hoping that inspiration will strike me today!

Monday, September 15, 2008

gee thanks, google

Apparently the content crawler has picked up on my current sentiments because all of the ad links on my page are now things like: Midlife Crisis? Female Midlife Crisis? Marriage Crisis? Depressed or Anxious? MISERABLE AND ALONE AND WORRIED ABOUT HOW MANY OVA YOU HAVE LEFT?? CLICK HERE!!!
Good thing I don't let things like that get to me. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some weeping to get back to.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Where's Waldo?

I'm pretty sure I know why Bowie likes our rug so much.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Second Quarter, First Clinical Day, Yay!

Today. Was. Exhausting. I just got home twenty minutes ago. And I get to arise at 5:45 and do it all again tomorrow! Yay!

I think I might have been just a teensy bit on edge today as a result of between one and all of the following: starting school again, starting clinicals again on a new unit, being too stressed out to eat much of anything, getting yelled at by the parking attendant, having my lady days come early, my recent depressed feelings regarding the loss of my childbearing years, getting into an argument and being given the silent treatment (albeit arguably deservedly), and losing twenty dollars yesterday. Failing at life? Me? Nah.

The good thing about today was that I got to have dinner with Flynne and her man, Tyler, at PF Chang's. Flynne and I were a couple of peaches since we had both had incredibly long and stressful days. Hers involved not getting a lunch break and mine may or may not have involved considering the long-term effects of strangling the parking attendant. I think Tyler's day involved wanting to drive an ice-pick into his eye socket but, since he's a gentleman, he instead offered to pay for whatever wasn't covered by Flynne's gift card. Yay!

I'm including this picture from the last time Flynne and I went out, a few weeks ago. That chick just came up and started dancing up on us. She smelled really good, though so it was okay.
And then we went back to the house where there may or may not have been some drinking 
and nudity and hot tubbing and Tyler won the prize for lamest Never Have I Ever, ever. "Never have I ever been so drunk I couldn't get up the next morning." Well then, my friend, you haven't LIVED. But, uh, thanks again for dinner :)
This may or may not have been my most scatterbrained blog post yet! Yay!

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Shout out to Corporate America

After class today I realized I need some crucial items for my first clinical day of the quarter-- namely, a clipboard and some gum. I decided that the best place to find these and other, questionably necessary items was Target. So I called Kelly and we decided to meet there. I was inside when Kelly called to tell me she had arrived.
"I'm coming in the entrance on the left," said Kelly.
"When you're looking at Target from the outside?" I asked.
"Are you walking in right now?"
"Yeah I'm walking in through the doors. I'm by the candy section."
"Huh. I don't see you...."
"I'm wearing orange pants."
"I'm hopping up and down and waving."
"Okay I'm going over by the doors... Is there another entrance to this Target?"
"Actually, I think there is one. But I'm going to go to the restroom, do you want to just meet there? It's by the pharmacy."
"Perfect. See you there."

5 minutes later....
"Where are you now?"
"Uh, standing outside the restroom."
"That's where I am!"
"You're at the Daly City Target, right?"
"The one right off Serramonte?"
"Are you in a parallel universe??"

We eventually figured out that I had accidentally gone to the Target in Colma, instead of Daly City. It was an honest mistake seeing as these two Targets are located less than a mile away from one another and have the same freeway exit. I don't even know what to think about that.

My MeMe

I was tagged by Miss Grace, of course.
1. Link the person who tagged you.
2. Mention the rules in your blog.
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours.
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them. (um. I don't know if I actually have 6 following bloggers...)
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged. (hmmm. I'm pretty sure not tagging anyone will follow along with my already stellar record of failing at life. So that's what I'll do.)

1. My taste buds are apparently still developing. I was an extremely picky eater as a child. My family still teases me about the time in my life (23 or so years ago) when I would only eat white food. You know, cottage cheese, bread, rice, marshmallows. I started liking vegetables halfway through college. I started liking pickles three years ago. I started liking Bloody Marys two weeks ago.

2. With the right amount of flattery, I can be talked into just about anything.

3. When I am at my parents' house I like to rifle through my old books and read them again. The Ordinary Princess. Double-Yuck Magic. Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle. Someday, Angeline. Number the Stars. Jeremy Thatcher, Dragon Hatcher. The Babysitters Club. I pretend that it's because I just want something mindless, but really it's because I know these books can't hurt me because nothing that bad happens in them.

4. Silly words and phrases make me incredibly happy. Rabblerousing. Higgelty piggelty. Pluck. Noodle. When people say "I'm going to hop into the shower" or "excuse me, I just need to get into this cupboard."

5. I actually think my lips look kind of sexy after I've been crying. You might not notice because of the puffy, squinty, bloodshot eyes and the ghostly pale skin, but the lips really do become quite plump and rosy.

6. I've never been to Vegas as a grown up.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

A year late for my quarterlife crisis

Fall quarter of school officially starts tomorrow and when I think about that, it really just exhausts me. Because while I thoroughly enjoyed my time off, it also made me realize how all-consuming I have let school become. And I know it's only temporary and I know it's really what I want to do but it's hard for me to accept that I've sort of become this person who let go of the important things in her life.

You wanna know my life goals? My REAL ones? Here they are: to get married and have babies. That's it. Bottom line. That's all I have wanted out of life since I was about 16. To get married and have babies. School, work, career, hobbies.... pretty much just killing time until I got married and started having babies. And if I let myself think about it too hard and realize that many of my friends are already much farther along that road than I am and that I'm already older than all of my sisters were when they got engaged, it doesn't take much to push me into a sea of despair.

Because honestly? I have spent a long time telling myself that what I really wanted was a career and independence. I think it's partially because I was raised in a society where women are now expected to want that since we didn't have the opportunity in the past. And don't get me wrong, I do want to go to nursing school and eventually be a nurse practitioner. I want that to be my job and my passion and I think that I will enjoy it. And I want hobbies and friends and goals and pets and LIFE. But first I want to get married and have babies. Throughout the past ten years I thought that would happen eventually, naturally, on its own. Especially as I got older and, I thought, closer to my goal.

But it turns out? I wasn't getting closer. Because I'm not there yet. I know I'm only 26 and this isn't the 1400s so I'm not some old spinster. But even though I consider myself a happy person on a daily basis, when I think about the 26-year-old I thought I would be when I was a little girl.... I feel disappointed.

Monday, September 8, 2008

But we prefer the term "Ivory Debris"

Though we in my family all possess straight teeth, crisp grammar, college degrees, and a taste for expensive jewelry, I've always suspected that I at least had a streak of white trashiness. Apparently I come by this honestly, as evidenced by this pile of random crap in the yard:
Quite a hodgepodge accumulation. It is in a rather hidden, out of the way area, blocked from view by a plum tree and a fence. But it's there all right. Just like my love of PBR and Wal-Mart.

I did not inherit her love of gardening

I took this pic of my mom today. This is exactly how I picture her in my mind's eye.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Ways in which I have recently failed

I really thought I had it all under control. I know I have made big lifestyle changes and have had to give up a number of things. But other than that, I honestly thought that I had a pretty good handle on things.

A closer look at recent occurrences gives striking evidence that much of my life gets a big, fat, FAIL.

- I didn't realize that the first USC game was August 30th until 9pm on the 29th. Since I don't have TV at my apartment, I raced to my parents' house, calling my mom and begging her to prepare chips and salsa. I missed kickoff.
- I was in charge of the August CD and mailed it out on September 2nd. I had honestly been mentally creating the CD for a good 6 months. But then I got a new computer and I don't have an external hard drive so I couldn't instantly transfer all of my music. So I started actually making the CD and finished it in the early August 20s. And then I tried to mail it at Staples on August 29, but the saleswoman tried to charge me $22 for each package (of which there were 11) for some unknown reason so then I had to wait until I could go to the post office.
- I was planning to leave Bowie at my parents' house while I was in LA. I forgot to mention this to my parents until the day I was leaving when my mom informed me she wouldn't be at the house for 2 of the days.
- I didn't visit my former workplace while I was in LA.
- I flaked on Miss Jennifer. On her birthday.
- I was going to make CDs for my family members. I didn't get around to it. I decided I could still do it in LA but then I forgot to bring my laptop with me.
- I volunteered to bring bagels for my group's unit on our last clinical day. When I got to Safeway I decided that bagels would be too expensive. I texted the people in my group, saying I would bring donuts instead. I walked home, looked up a couple of donut shops, called them and asked their hours and prices. I decided that the prices were actually pretty similar and if I had wanted to save money I should have made cookies or brownies or something like all the other groups were doing. I also decided that I didn't want to get up any earlier than I already was just to go to the donut shop. I walked back to Safeway and spent 30 minutes agonizing about the amount of people on the unit and the correct ratio of bagels to cream cheese. When I brought the bagels in, I was greeted with "I thought you said you were bringing donuts..?"
- I asked C if he wanted to go to San Diego with me. He said maybe. I forgot and assumed he was going with me. I got mad and cried when he told me he wasn't sure if he was going.
- C told me about his friend's show that he was really excited about. I planned to go, but then I forgot about it and changed my LA plans 4 times.
- I drove Stef to LA and told her that I would be going to San Diego one of the days so I could maybe give her a ride. I drove to San Diego, but forgot to call Stef and offer her a ride.
- I forgot to call my sister back to tell her when I was on my way so I arrived at her house and had to wait for 2 hours.
- I made semi plans in LA for Friday night but ended up being too tired to drive back from San Diego that night and I didn't call anyone involved.
- I was planning to sell some of my USC football tickets to my friends while in LA since I can't go to all the games. I didn't sell any.
- I noticed there was no conditioner in the hall bathroom at my parents' house. I went to Target and came home with what turned out to be two bottles of shampoo.
- I forgot to clean out my fridge or empty the trash before I left my apartment for a week and a half.
- I haven't ordered my books for next quarter yet, even though classes start on Wednesday.

Miss Grace

We started our friendship in elementary school, wherein she would say "headlocks or pressure points?" at the beginning of recess and I would choose and Miss Jennifer Grace would ensure I received the torture of my choice. It might be this activity that led my mom to question if I really wanted to be friends with Jenny, but I did. Granted, my choice in friends up until this point was not all that great-- there was the girl who wouldn't share any (no, really, NOT ANY) of her toys if you went over to play at her house. And I believe I succumbed to the "you can be friends with me, but you can't have any other friends" line from two separate people. And there was the girl who stole my really cool eraser. I stole it back during lunch but then I was worried she would notice it was gone so I put it back in her desk. But my choice to become friends with Jenny was well founded. Sure there were (and still are) the bouts of torture because she was (and is) freakishly strong. And don't even get me started on the licking. But we also made daisy chains and came up with elaborate past life stories and she told me how to spell "October" when I had to write it on the board and froze because I didn't remember how.

We stopped going to the same school after 5th grade. And we both went to crazy (in their own drastically different ways) private schools and commuted and did all kinds of fancy extracurricular activities to try and get into colleges. We still managed to hang out occasionally-- I think I remember going to the Boardwalk pretty consistently every summer. And then in High School we would get, um, dressed up and go to the Catalyst or swing dancing on weekends. For the love of God I wish I had a scanner so I could share how amazing we looked when we got dressed up because my idea of "going out clothes" when I was 15 was a pleather skirt and stripper-high heels and Jenny usually wore a tiara.

In college she talked me through my first couple weeks when I was miserable and homesick and again at various times in the year when those feelings came back. She made me go to my first frat party when she came to visit. She told me to buy the water bra if it really made me feel that good about myself. We both got caught up with our own lives and excitement but we always managed to talk on the phone for ages even if we couldn't be bothered to drive the 2 hours to visit that often. Plus we both had weirdly parallel dysfunctional relationships that we probably stayed in much longer than we would have if we hadn't had each other as a commiserating sounding board "does your boyfriend tell you that you can't meet his friends?" "Yeah, all the time." "Oh, I guess it must be normal then."

And then she told me she was going to have a baby. Over email. And I got mad. Because she told me over email. And, to be honest, because I was jealous. And had my own issues. Whatever. But the thing is, I think I would have gotten over it much faster if it hadn't been her. Because normally if someone did something that bothered me or that I couldn't deal with, I would have called Jenny to bitch about it. I'd vent for a half hour or so, she'd listen and psychoanalyze me and I could move on. Except I had no one who knew me well enough or who knew that was what I needed and I didn't know how to deal with it, so I got weird and awkward. But I knew my feelings were odd and inappropriate so I did my level best to disguise them and overcompensate. And then I did get over it, which is good because Gabey's two and a half now so I'm pretty sure we wouldn't be talking if I hadn't been able to move past it....

And the crazy thing is? We've stayed friends. I think it's pretty amazing that we have managed to do that as long as we have. I mean, there are those people you've known for a long time so you feel like you kind of have to be friends with them but you wouldn't necessarily choose them as a friend if you met them tomorrow, am I right? But even though our upbringings were different and our lives have taken very diverse pathways, we have a lot of odd similarities. We both thrive on attention and validation. We can't concentrate at concerts. We are both borderline (??) OCD. We both have semi-exhibitionist ways and like to hang out naked. Wait, that sounded weird- no, we don't hang out naked together. We both have strange, very real fears of people in large costumes and finding severed heads behind shower curtains. We have similar life goals.

Jenny tells me what I want (to eat, to wear, to do with my life) and she's usually right on the money. She got drunk with me over the phone when I was depressed and hysterical. She knits. She accepts the hard parts of her life with a strength and grace that I don't know if I could possess. She liberally uses the phrase "that's against my religion." She genuinely enjoys ironing. If you ask her to, she will dance for you. She will also spoon you with or without your permission. She generously tips waitstaff and bartenders. She's something like a third generation atheist. She DOES NOT CRY. Miss Grace is at the top of a very short list of people I would pick to accompany me on a desert island (though with her coloring, I think she would probably break my fingers for making her live there). She's made it to 26 and I am genuinely excited about the possibility of what the next 26 years has to offer and what kind of shenanigans we might encounter.

And so Miss Jennifer, I hope you know how much I love you. You are one of the smartest, strongestmost beautiful, sweetest, funniest, classiest, most ridiculous people I know. Happy happy birthday, darlin.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I've also watched 15 episodes of Family Guy

Well here I am in the greater LA area....
The drive down was fine-- my good friend and neighbor Stefanie decided to take me up on the ride to LA to visit a friend. We had a nice time for the first hour or so wherein she used the conversational skills clearly inherited from her mother (So Julia, what is your favorite movie of all time? Have you read any good books lately? How do you envision your life in 5 years?). Then she informed me that some people tell her she has "carcolepsy" and zonked out. I coaxed her awake with Taco Bell and David Sedaris and she was a fine travel companion after that. We met up with Elena and Jon for delicious dinner and phone envy at Houston's. Okay, I know everyone else already knows this but man iphones are cool! I always thought I didn't want a touch screen phone, but I suppose I can get over that for a phone that makes the noise of maracas when you shake it.
My car is still making the funny noise but I plan to ignore it and drive to San Diego tomorrow to visit 2/3 of my sisters and 5/8 of my neices and nephews!