Thursday, March 11, 2010

Are you single, married, or have children?

Oh jeez. I can't believe it. My high school reunion is coming up. MY TEN YEAR high school reunion. Gah. Just, GAH. I suppose I should have seen this coming since I am 27 after all. But but but... it totally snuck up on me and I'm not ready! Not that I'm dissatisfied with my life as it is or anything but my PLAN was to not so much attend my ten year high school reunion but to, like, stick my arm out my helicopter window and wave a hankercheif at it.

I guess I'll probably go. It should be, well, fascinating at least. I am curious to see what people have done with themselves. And there will be lots and lots of alcohol. In my flask.

But take a gander at the email I got from my class Reunion Committee:

Dear Classmates,
Tell us about what you're up to! Once a month, we'll send out short profiles from respondents.
Please hit reply to this email address and let us know:
1. Since graduations, which cities have you lived in?
2. Are you single, married, or have children?
3. When was the last time you were on campus?
4. What is your current occupation?
5. On a scale of 1-10 how much have you changed since 2000?
6. Any specific classmates or teachers you'd like to get back in touch with?

- Class of 2000 Reunion Committee

Oh, man alive. Seriously? Even ignoring the grammar there is just so much wrong here.
First of all, why wasn't I invited to be on this exclusive Reunion Committee? Was it because I hated high school? Also, how on earth did you people get my email address?

Also, does anyone really care about the last time I was on campus? I don't care about the last time anyone else was on campus, so I'm guessing no.

Also, why do we only care about my current occupation-- what about college or grad school or travels or, oh I don't know, everything else I've been doing FOR THE PAST TEN YEARS?

Also, on a scale of 1-10 how much have I changed? Well, what is 1 and what is 10?
Also, am I single, married, or have children? That's it? Those are my only options? What about people who are divorced or engaged or living with someone or in nunneries? Nevermind the numerous other ways there are to live one's life, I can either be single, married, OR HAVE CHILDREN.