Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Just a little something. From my heart to yours:

 (Yes, that is indeed Hugh Grant. It's a fake 80s music video from the movie "Music & Lyrics." I feel like a lot of people didn't see it because it looked so cheesy. Well it was. But this scene? Genius.)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Okay, Amazon, what the hell is this? If I'm looking at shovels you immediately assume that I might also like some blankets and AXES? How about some rope, too? And maybe a map of the desert where I could dump the body?

Livingroom: Before (And I'm on break!)

This quarter has been, well, HARD. Really really effing HARD. There was school. And clinicals. And work. And my, ahem, extracurricular activities. So I actually didn't finish my last two papers until yesterday. But now I'm done! Yay!

So I kind of put my organization project on hold for the month of December. It wasn't intentional, I just... never got around to it. So I guess I will be starting with the March month of my book in January. Maybe if I skip enough months I'll be right on track! March involves "organizing the buisness of life" which I guess means one's home office. My "home office" is my kitchen table/desk and the bookshelf behind it.

My home office:

So I have come to realize that the problem with zenning one room at a time is that whatever room I am not working on tends to take on disproportionate clutter and mess:

Notice the broken mini dresser? And my old computer? Those would be carryovers from my bedroom zen. I guess I can't use that excuse for still having my crappy old suitcase but seriously Bowie can't get enough of it. The only reason he isn't laying on top of it in this picture is that I was sitting there doing my homework and he wanted to lay on my books and be in my personal space.

I also have not yet zenned my closet, resulting in this:

Yep. That's my couch. Sometimes it is also the place where I fling my clothes. Looks like I have my work cut out for me.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Things I've learned while single: An incomplete list.

Guys don't like it when you tell them they have a douchey name.

Guys don't like it when you tell them they shouldn't be wearing a V neck.

Guys don't like it when you tell them their cell phone carrier doesn't exist.

Guys don't like it when you tell them their law school doesn't exist. (But seriously, quick show of hands. Who's heard of UC Hastings?).

Guys don't like it when you respond to all their questions with flustered, one word answers while staring at your drink.

Guys don't like it when you try to tell them all about Twilight and how hot you think Jacob is.

Guys don't like it when you compare them to Edward Cullen.

Guys don't like it when you tell them you're only flirting with them to get free drinks.

Guys don't like it when you talk about your ex boyfriends.

Guys don't like it when you talk about your crazy ex boyfriends.

Guys don't like it when you talk about the crazy things you've done.

Guys don't like it when you talk about colonoscopies.

Guys don't like it when you talk about prostate exams.

Guys don't like it when you talk about wanting to settle down and have kids.

Guys don't like it when you make jokes about them having to pay for the pleasure of your company.

Guys don't like it when you rip the cigarette out of their hand, break it in half, wave it in their face and say "this is REALLY bad for you!"

So, uh, anybody know what guys DO like?

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Oh hello there!

Some things:

So I guess I was right in my thinking that nobody likes reading about someone else's horoscope? Because it's boring? I was kind of hoping people might tell me how they are similar/different from what their horoscope says. But I guess for that to happen, I need to do something like ASK. Ah well. But I am interested, should you want to share.

I went to VEGAS this past weekend. For the first time. Yes, really. Well, no, not really. I used to go there as a kid with my family to visit my grandmother's family. But this was the first time I went there without various casino employees peering down at me and saying "you either need to be in the restaurant or the arcade, little girl." NOT THIS TIME. This time I got to be right smack dab in the center of all the sin. It was fabulous. And insane.

Yesterday and today I worked. Not as a nurse, unfortunately. No, this is one of my other little part time jobbies of which I have a couple. This particular one involves reading aloud for people with special accomidations in medical/science exams. And let me tell you, if there's something more horrendous than taking a standardized test, it's reading one aloud for nine hours!

Tomorrow/Thursday I must must must finish my last two papers. And then I'll really be done for the quarter. Keep your fingers crossed that I pass all my classes, pretty please? I need a little luck for this quarter. Some of my classmates, Miss Jenny Grace, and I did manage to go out last Thursday night and celebrate being done (or, in my case, almost done). It was delightful. Because karaoke is okay, but karaoke with your own little room where you can really belt it out without a care in the world? Fantastic.

I seem to remember us looking a lot more magical and amazing than this photo (yanked from Miss Grace's flickr stream) seems to indicate. Huh.

So that's where I've been, hither and thither. You?

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Hear me ROAR

Okay, I know astrological signs are only really interesting if you're talking about YOUR OWN. But bear with me? I never really believed in all of this stuff because when I start reading and it's like "Leo! You're the life of the party! You're a social butterfly! You loves to be out on the town and in the center of the action!" then I'm like Okay then why would I rather stay home and read about my horoscope online than go out tonight? Riddle me that.

Yesterday I had a conversation with a classmate who told me...... well, I can't remember exactly what she tried to explain. But it was something about how Saturn does these circles (or something) and when it gets to specific points then, depending on your astrological sign, that's when you go through hard times and/or big changes. And I said "Oh! So that explains all the SHIAT that's been going down in my life." And then she shook her head and said, "I think it's probably just beginning for you." Oh. Balls.

But so anyhow. Today I decided to look up and really read about my sign. And, uh. Wow.

Your element: Fire
Your ruling planets: The Sun [The f*cking SUN! YES. Yes, sun, fire, anything to do with HEAT. Yes.]
Symbol: The Lion [Rawr]
Your stone: Peridot
Life Pursuit: To lead the way

Vibration: Radiant Energy

Leo's Secret Desire: To be a star [how did you know!?]

Love triumphs over all for this sign, which is ruled by the heart and operates from this dimension too [Uh. Yeah. You could say that.]. Leo's are born fortunate [sweet!]. Charismatic and positive-thinking they attract not only an abundance of friends and opportunities, but manage to survive life's stormy times with style and good humour.

Once a Lion is committed to a relationship, they are totally devoted and faithful [YES]. Should their heart or trust be broken they never forgive or forget [Beware]. When a relationship breaks down (even a long standing one) they can disappear into the sunset without a backward look. Leos can cut ties, and leave others heartbroken, but usually there is a good reason why they have broken a tryst. For a Leo, when a relationship is over, really over, it is over for good.

There are three levels of soul-evolution of the Leos. The highest is represented by the Sphinx; wise beyond their years and great teachers to others [Hm. Maybe I'll get there eventually]. The second is the Lion, King of the Jungle, ruled by ego but always protective and sustaining of those they love [I think this is how I'm trying to be now]. The last is the Lion Cub, immature and undeveloped, frightened by anything new. These Leos cling to others (in the mode of the child not wanting to leave its mother's side).) They can't bear to be alone [Yep. Been there. Sigh.].

No matter what level they have attained, all Leos are trendsetters, leaders and adventurers. Their weakness is their pride. This is one sign where the saying "flattery will get you everything" applies [true that], but be warned criticism will slam the relationship door right in your face.

Huh. Well that sounds, um, EXACTLY RIGHT, except maybe the part about being a trendsetter. I won't bore you with a second description like I was going to, but lets just say it talks about how Leos have 'larger than life emotions.' I read that and then I said "WE DO NOT!" stomped away, and pouted in the corner for thirty five minutes.


Wednesday, December 9, 2009


Winter has apparently arrived in the City by the Bay. For me, this means permanently switching my radio station to 96.5 so I can listen to Christmas music all the time. Yes, allthetime. It also means that it's cold. I know it's probably not cold to some of you snowfolk, but cold to my California wussyness. And I'm extra wussy, or so I've been told. So the other day I turned on my heater and I realized something: the heater likes the blinds shut.

See I was leaving the blinds on my window open for several reasons-- natural light, making my wee apartment feel less claustrophobic, people watching during allocated study time, etc etc. But also because I figured that the COLD from the windows would make the heater stay on longer. Because if the apartment feels colder to the heater, it will work harder... you follow my logic?

But then the other day I left the blinds shut because I wasn't ready to deal with the day and the heater stayed on much much longer. And then I tested it, opening the blinds to see when it would shut off. To my surprise, it turned off much SOONER. It's as if my heater needs an ego boosting sense of accomplishment. When the blinds are shut, the heater chugs along, warming up the house degree by degree, feeling proud of itself. When the blinds are open, the heater starts up and then quits, throwing its arms into the air and pouting well why do I even bother!?

So this means I have to make a choice when I'm in my apartment: I can either have natural light and a pretty view of the outside world, or I can be warm. But I can't have both. (Balls!)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

I swear we didn't plan it.

But look how adorable and coordinated Miss Grace and I were at the Blogher Christmas Party! (Yes, the very same party where I learned about the unfortunate blog name confusion).

Our shoes were cute, too. You'll just have to take my word on this.

Monday, December 7, 2009


Last week I went to the grocery store and it seemed like every aisle I went down was capped off by these 5 pound boxes of mini oranges. There I was, minding my own business but at every corner I turned, there they were again. "Mini oranges! Five lbs for only $6!" The store even went so far as to list it as a "gift box" which, really? I know there are allowances to be made around the holidays because every retailer is stretching to include their product as a great! gift! idea! but I think it's a pretty big leap to start calling bulk food items "gift boxes." Anybody want an economy size gift package of toilet paper for Christmas? No? A 20 pound gift bag of dog food?

Anyhow. So I ended up getting suckered into buying one of the boxes, worn down by their sheer overabundant presence in the store.

And that was nice, I do like oranges. But then the very next evening I returned home from school and found my box of farm fresh fruits and veggies had been delivered. I had completely forgotten about it.
Here's what I found in the box, after removing several heads of lettuce and what I think must be kale.

Why yes! Those ARE mini oranges. And then it became a race against a clock.

And here we are. After almost a week of eating several mini oranges a day and handing off three or four or seven to whoever crosses my path, I've made quite a dent.

What's that you say? You're not impressed? Why, no, neither am I. Because that is essentially NO DENT AT ALL. Those mothereffers are cloning themselves in that bowl, I swear it.

Sunday, December 6, 2009


This is Miss Grace testing Julia's comment formatting. Ignore me.


This is a test. I have a brandspankingnew commenting format thanks to the lovely Miss Grace. This is only a test.

But I'll also take this opportunity to tell you about some early Christmas presents I bought, erm, myself. In a supreme act of optimism I got some new suitcases. Because maybe I'll go on some fabulous vacations soon? I think I know of a very important conference happening in New York this summer and I think that if I went, I would NEED cute suitcases. Yes. And, also, my old suitcase was of the no-rolly-no-standy variety. By that I mean it used to be a rolly suitcase. And then one of the wheels got jammed and I didn't realize it until it was too late so I kept pulling it along and it's been rubbed down to a nub. So now the suitcase neither rolls nor stands. But it does hold clothes, which is why I put off buying a new one for, oh, five or six years.

But I found these at Ross:
 I know what you're thinking. They don't match. But that's okay. I'm not planning to use them at the same time. I doubt I'll be going on a vacation requiring THAT much luggage for many moons. Plus, take a look at how purty they are individually and you'll see why I couldn't resist either:

See? Surprise pretty blue on the inside! Preeeetty. I saw that and I knew I had to get that one. And then I took a look at the green one.

And it was just so pocketful that I couldn't resist. This one was a tad pricey (around $80 marked down from $180) but I got SUCH a screaming deal on the other one ($36 marked down from $400) that I was able to justify it. Plus: pockets! Including this extra bonus laptop bag found inside one of the outer pockets:

And now I'm planning to get rid of the old suitcase. But of course someone has recently realized that he LOVES the old suitcase and it's the only place he ever wants to be and please please don't take it away from me.


Friday, December 4, 2009


[Update: This post was written in December 2009, when my blog was called Royal Jewels and the web site was]

So. Last night was rather enlightening. I went to the Blogher Christmas party in San Francisco. I always start off holiday parties feeling somewhat anxious. Will I have enough interesting things to talk about? Will I ask intelligent questions? Will I be standing in the corner trying not to look too awkward as I stare at people with my mouth open?

But Jenny was there and she introduced me to nice people and we talked about phones and business cards and carpal tunnel wrist braces as bloghers are wont to do. We drank margaritas and ate yummy free food and I was just starting to think to myself, Hm. Maybe I do belong here after all.

And then we were saying goodbye to Vanessa, and she asked what my blog was called. I said, "It's Royal Jewels. Like, you know, the things on a crown." I put an imaginary crown on my head as I said this.
Next to Vanessa, Jenny started laughing and said, "Not like BALLS?"
I stared at her a moment. "No." I said, offended. "NOT like balls. What the hell are you talking about?"
"Isn't it? That's just always what *I* think of when I hear the term Royal Jewels...." She shrugged.
I was horrified, "What? What? THAT'S what you think of when you hear my name?!"
"You know, like" here she paused, mimed fondling a nutsack, "Royal Jewels."
"No! No! Oh my god." I put my head in my hands. "Oh my god. Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod. That's not what it's supposed to be at all!"
Jenny scrunched up her eyebrows, confused, "Seriously?"

Yes. Seriously.

Yes. I am the 27-year-old who did not know that Royal Jewels is apparently a common euphemism for balls.


When I first started this here blog, I called it "Superjules" but then "superjules dot blogspot dot com" was taken so, after A LOT of brain-wracking, I picked "theroyalpain dot blogspot dot com" instead. And for awhile that was fine. But then I kept thinking about how my blog name and url didn't really match. Was there a way to put the two together? Could I come up with a name that combined the concepts I wanted to get across? Something that alluded to the idea being royalty (which I liked) with the name Jules (me). And then it hit me: Royal Jewels. Because it's ME- Jewels. And it's ROYAL. And, AND it refers to the gemstones worn by kings and queens. YES!

And for over a year I have been writing as Royal Jewels.


Jenny was shocked at my reaction. "I thought it was a joke. I mean, I thought it was kind of a weird joke, but I assumed you knew."
I was still in disbelief, "But it's not... It doesn't mean THAT. You're thinking of Family Jewels." Family Jewels was what I thought she meant because, you know, balls are where spermies come from and those make babies which make families. Family Jewels.
"No," said Jenny, "They mean the same thing."


I almost didn't want to write about this. Because how many people knew this while I sat here like a goddamn moron in the dark? And now I'm coming out and saying No no, internet world, I'm not quirky and confident with an odd sense of humor like you might have thought, but instead I am profoundly naive. Because the possibility that Royal Jewels meant anything at all other than the 'precious stones one might find on a crown' was something that never crossed my mind. Not once. There I was, the oblivious little old lady showing off a new bracelet while the rest of the family whispers grandma's wearing anal beads on her arm to one another.


My blog name. Means. Balls. Excuse me while I go curl up under a rock and die.


Thursday, December 3, 2009

My Bedroom Sanctuary

According to my organization book, I had one month to try and turn my bedroom into a lovely space wherein I could feel comfortable and content. A sanctuary, if you will. I was also supposed to organize my closet but I decided to give myself extra time for that because of other priorities and also because my closet is not technically located inside my bedroom (so ha!). Even without including the closet I didn't get to do everything I would have liked but for now I am satisfied with the organization progress and plan to move on to the next book chapter/area in my house.

Here we go. Remember how my bedroom looked before? I'll include the before pics so we can have a really good comparison:

Before, the weird, too-short-built-in unusable desk/inconvenient shelf area:

After, the still weird, too-short-built-in unusable desk/inconvenient shelf area, now with fewer boxes and more usable shelves:

I haven't had a chance to have shelves installed like I want, but I think I the pre-assembled Ikea bookcase fits in nicely atop the faux desk area.

Before, a closer look at the desk clutter area:

After, the desk de-cluttered:

It still feels a little strange not to have to clear things out of the way when I want to get my pajamas out or to have to wrestle that broken drawer back into the mini dresser.

Before, my bedside table:

After, my bedside table:

I'm learning to appreciate and keep open space empty instead of wanting to put stuff in it "to display" or use it as a place to throw things "temporarily."

Before, my bed:

After, my bed:

Not much different there except now it has flannel sheets because SF has apparently realized that December has arrived. Ahhhh, cozy.

You like?