Tuesday, April 6, 2010

An open letter to Sandra Bullock

Oh Sandra, I know. I know.

I mean, obviously, I can't really know what you're going through. No one but you can. And I'm sure your situation is unique and we don't know the whole story, etc, etc. But I read the articles and tidbits about you and they make me feel sick to my stomach. They are strikingly, CHILLINGLY similar to my own experience.

You were with someone you trusted, in a life that you thought you knew. And then in the blink of an eye your world was turned upside down.

I read about how he led a double life, how his infidelities were a secret amongst his friends, and how he became a different person when he was around you and I shudder because I understand that all too well.

I used to wonder how and why someone could do that to me. I used to be angry with myself. How COULD I not have known? How could I have denied my gut instincts? How could I walk into a bedroom and see empty liquor bottles, tangled bedsheets, and women's clothing and not instantly understand? How could I turn away and let myself be talked into whatever excuse came next? How could I not believe my EYES?
I learned to stop asking why someone would do that to me. Because there was never an answer aside from selfishness and cowardice. And that was never enough-- there is no excuse that justifies betrayal. And I learned to not be upset at myself anymore. Because it is not your fault for believing or trusting. It is his fault for lying and cheating and betraying your trust.

You know what you have now? You have the truth. And isn't that a relief in a lot of ways? You don't have to wonder about that strange text message you found or that girl at the coffee shop looking at you strangely. You don't have to live with that sinking feeling that maybe everything is going to fall apart-- because it already did. And now you can move on.

And you have your freedom now, too. You don't have to apologize for being who you are anymore. You don't have to feel like you need to tiptoe around him and ask him nicely to be a part of your life. You never wanted him to be anything other than the man you thought you knew. But ask yourself, didn't he make you feel like you had to be someone different than who you truly are? Didn't he make you feel like your life was somehow less important or easier or fluffier than his? Didn't he act like being a part of your world was an inconvenience to him?

You have your life back. And maybe you can't see it yet, but that is something precious and exquisitely beautiful.