(Almost) April Showers

I went to a bridal shower recently. It was very nice-- the food was delicious, the restaurant was classy, the guests were pleasant, the bride was sincere and thankful. But bridal showers just... aren't that fun are they? Honestly and truly, I don't think I've been to one where I have had a great time. And these were very nice events with lovely people. So either I'm just a bitch (which I suppose is a possibility) or showers just... aren't that much fun.

I mean, I assume they're fun for the bride (otherwise, why on earth have them?). Having never gotten married or had a baby, I don't know what it's like to be the guest of honor person at a shower. I'm assuming it's really nice, am I right? I have had a couple graduations and I seem to recall always greatly enjoying at both the ceremony and the party afterward, but when I think of other people's graduations I remember them as tedious and excessively long. So maybe showers work the same way?

I didn't know this bride very well so I was thinking maybe that was the reason I didn't feel that overjoyed at the shower (I believe I've made mention of my social awkwardness). But I'm not totally convinced that showers are even that much fun for the people who do know the bride really well. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong here but I don't recall having that much fun at my sisters' showers. They are just so laden with tradition and small talk that it tends to exhaust me.

But maybe that's just me. Maybe I just don't properly appreciate showers. Maybe it's my personality. Maybe I'll just have to accept my fate as the sulky one who keeps her eyes focused on her plate and can't make small talk and accidentally walks into the men's room.

Strawberries

Miss Molly likes strawberries! Per her request/contest, here is one of my favorite recipes that involves strawberries. My VERY favorite is my mom's strawberry preserves, but I've never actually made that on my own (usually my contribution involves a little stirring and a lot of licking the spoons). So I didn't feel like I could claim ownership. But this recipe is delicious and easy as pie. Wait, actually. Easier. Easier than pie. Anyways, I thought it appropriate to post this today-- happy birthday, Molly!


Strawberries and Sugar

Ingredients
1. Strawberries
2. Powdered sugar (regular sugar will also work in a pinch)

Instructions
1. Wash strawberries. Drying is optional.
2. Pour powdered sugar into a bowl. Try not to spill it all over the counter/floor.
3. Dip strawberries into powdered sugar.
4. Eat them.

YUM!

Still mentally on vacation.

Within the past week, every time I have spoken to or seen my mother, she has asked me if I know anything about my classes or my schedule for the upcoming quarter or where exactly my next clinical placement is or just when I might be signed up for the NCLEX. School starts back up tomorrow, so she's right in thinking that I could have been preparing. Except that I am enjoying my time off until the LAST POSSIBLE MOMENT. Tomorrow I'll be up bright and early to start the new quarter, but if you need me tonight, I'll be in the bathtub with a book and the rest of my bottle of Boone's Farm. A pleasant evening to you.

American Girls

A certain beautiful little niece of mine will be having a birthday in naught but a few weeks. She has asked for "American Girls stuff" to go with her Just Like You doll that she got for Christmas.

I played with my dolls until I was... well... too old for them. My favorite toy was my doll house. To this day I still think about how awesome it was (my grandma built it for me) and how much I loved playing with it. If I'm at a toy store I tend to wander over to the doll section and wistfully look at the doll houses and doll house furniture. So I'm sort of saddened when I see younger and younger kids, like, wanting to put up videos on youtube and asking for ipods instead of toys for Christmas. I can TOTALLY support the plan to get my niece doll accessories. Sounds great to me.

The problem is that I can't afford most of the American Girl accessories. They really do have some cool stuff like this and this. But most of their sets are kind of overpriced and do not come with much stuff. And web site is kind of insane. There are dolls and doll clothes and doll activity sets (a snowboard! a kayak! a treehouse!) and there are even mini dolls so your doll can have her own doll. I think they just blew my mind a little bit.

Anyhow, I went to trusty old Target and found this:


I realize it doesn't look like much in the photo. It's a sleepover set meant for "Our Generation" dolls-- essentially a poor man's American Girl.


The set includes a doll sleeping bag, a duffle bag, and a toiletry case and a bunch of little accessories. And it was only $14.99. For comparison, the American Girl web site has this:


A doll sleeping bag which, while cute, will set you back $26 and come with no other accessories. I'm banking on the hope that my niece will care more about the coolness of the present and the amount of accessories than the actual American Girl brand name. This Our Generation doll stuff is actually very cute (and affordable). They really need to come out with more stuff since they only have a few products and American Girl has a corner on the 18-inch doll market. Stay tuned-- I have four other nieces who also got American Girl dolls for Christmas, so I'm going to be on the lookout for other awesome doll products!

nursery rhymes

Some examples:
The Grand Old Duke of York
Oh the grand old Duke of York, he had ten thousand men.
He marched them up to the top of the hill, and he marched them down again.
And when they were up, they were up.
And when they were down, they were down.
And when they were only halfway up, they were neither up nor down.

Sounds to me like somebody got just a TAD LAZY after writing the first two lines.

Handy Spandy
Handy Spandy, Jack-a-dandy,
loves plum cake and sugar candy.
He bought some at the grocer's shop,
and out he came, hop, hop, hop!

I'm guessing he's hopped up on all that sugar candy.

Higglety, Pigglety, Pop!
Higglety, pigglety, pop!
The dog has eaten the mop,
the pig's in a hurry,
the cat's in a flurry.
Higglety, pigglety, pop!

I'm sorry. The dog has EATEN the what now?

Wee Willie Winkie
Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town.
Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown.
Rapping at the window, crying through the lock.
'Are the children in their beds, it's past eight o'clock!'

Well, first of all, if the children were in their beds they sure as hell aren't now, what with all the RAPPING and CRYING. And, second of all, who the hell is this guy?? Wearing his nightgown and runs around knocking on doors at night? The town lunatic?? And, speaking of lunatics:

Gregory Griggs
Gregory Griggs, Gregory Griggs
had twenty-seven different wigs.
He wore them up, he wore them down
to please the people of the town.
He wore them east, he wore them west
but he never could tell which he loved best.

I wonder just how 'pleased' the people of the town were when they saw old be-wigged Gregory flouncing their direction.

The Last Word

I'm the kind of person who tends to obsess about conversations long after they have happened. I'll feel like I didn't get to express myself in the precise way that I had meant to so I'll catch myself muttering "No, YOU don't understand" or "I can't believe you would think that" while on the Muni or in the shower, whatever.

With that in mind, I have a few choice words for seven different people who are no longer in my life.

1. I am sorry that I let you walk all over me so much. I have to live with that. But at least I don't have to live with myself as the asshole who walks all over people! Oh, and also? You're not that great, you just think you are.

2. The only thing I regret is that it took so long for me to understand the person that you are and that I needed to say goodbye to you.

3. You were a terrible boss. You fostered an environment of cattiness and gossip and you drove our organization toward (not quite into) the ground. I can't believe they threw you a party when you left.

4. I can forgive most things people do because they are either sorry or I feel like I've wronged them too or they don't properly understand the situation or whatever. But you? You would not help me when you were the only one around and I was at my most vulnerable. And then you refused to believe that you were wrong. So, go to hell. Jerk.

5. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, but if you want to talk about what an inconsiderate bitch I am then fine, let's do it. But don't just huff around and expect me to ask you why you're mad at me. It's not my job to make you use your words.

6. It took you a SOLID YEAR to admit you were even mad at me, only to tell me that if I wanted to be your friend I was going to have to make a big effort. And it was all over some stupid misunderstanding. How about this? GET OVER IT.

7. I changed my mind! I'll take the money instead!

Watchmen

I thought this movie was great. Compelling, entertaining, exciting, funny, etc. Probably one of the best superhero movies I've seen. But this poster is a bit deceiving,

[C said it wasn't right to post this and ruin the surprise so **SPOILER ALERT**]

because, well, that guy is NAKED for the majority of the movie. He wears this suit in like one scene and a glorified thong in a few others but for the most part he's just walking around with his glowing blue wang out. And none of the other characters acknowledge it or tell him to put some damn clothes on, EVER. He's just hanging out naked. All the time. That's just how it is. And it's cool, whatever, because I guess that's how it is in the book. And I guess not everybody is apparently an eight year old at heart who feels the need to slap her seatmate on the shoulder, giggle, and hiss "BLUE WANG!!" whenever it appears.

The other productive thing I did!

I mailed in my NCLEX application.
Whew! What an accomplishment! Now all I have to do is wait for them to receive it and send me my test date, study like mad, pass all my classes and finish my program, and actually (gulp) take the test....

Stress level midnight.

I had thought that writing about things I'm not supposed to be thinking about might make me *poof!* not think about them anymore. I thought that maybe by listing the fact that they existed, I wouldn't have to explore them anymore and my brain might file them under "the matter is closed" and shut the filing cabinet door with a satisfying click. But instead it made me feel even more anxious and obsessive and unable to sleep last night because I was obsessing and also coming up with new things to worry about.

This morning I have been foggily unproductive. I thought I was spending my time relaxing and lounging in bed but now I realize I was revisiting my unhealthy thoughts and allowing myself to reach that crucial point of morning hunger leading to crankiness. So now I'm up. Hurg.

So. Moving on. Maybe I should take a moment to metaphorically reward myself for some good efforts? Look at me trying to focus on the positive! Zippity effing doo dah.

I may have mentioned that I have five (FIVE!) papers due next week. Four in one class, one in the other. One of them requires a significant amount of research to be done at the hospital during clincials, so I worked on that quite a bit while I was there this week.

And yesterday, when I got home from an exhausting day/week of clinicals I thought it would feel nice to take a nap. Actually, I KNEW it would feel nice to take a nap since that's what I did when I got home from clinical on Thursday. However, I also knew that I would feel all nap-hungover and guilty afterward. So instead I made myself a late lunch and worked on papers. I was kind to myself-- offering myself an early dinner only a few hours after the late lunch and peppering my homework efforts with reading blogs I like and watching episodes of Will & Grace. And I finished TWO of the papers.

And then I even managed to get myself to one of the meetings we were supposed to attend for our Psych rotaion. I chose Overeaters Anonymous, not because of the aforementioned lunch/dinner proximity but because I thought it would be really interesting. But I had kind of been hoping to melt into the background and people kept coming up to me with their warm handshakes and their "good things happen here"s so I felt like a phony, like maybe I should do something to give their niceness back because it wasn't really meant for me. But when I explained why I was there "My name is Jewels, and I'm a nursing student and we're, um, supposed to, uh, [trails off] [smiles awkwardly]...." they were still very welcoming and appeared to be happy about the idea of healthcare professionals taking an interest. So it was good that I went-- I got to check something off my list and it was interesting. Except when I heard about people thinking about food when they're already eating or planning their day around the treat they wanted to eat later or eating after (gasp!) they're already full, I kind of went uh yeah... is that bad??

AAAARG!!!

Okay, so my computer just got stuck on italics for like 5 minutes and I nearly hurled off the table so maybe now would be a good time to take a leisurely shower, eat something, get out of the house and/or continue with my positive thinking. Maybe OH MY fucking dammit. Are you kidding me?? I JUST FIXED YOU. WHY ARE YOU IN ITALICS AGAIN. *crick* *squeak* *Jewels's head coming unhinged.*

What is this feeling?

Instead of having clinicals from 7-1 yesterday, we had a special meeting at this community health center from about 8-10 and then all branched off to learn about other organizations. I had gotten up at around 6:50 and as I was getting ready, I was overcome by an odd sensation.

I was bewildered. "What is this feeling?" I thought to myself, "Why does my head feel so strange? What is the matter with me? It feels familiar but what's going on? I'm so confused."

"Oh wait."

"I'm rested."

This and That

Remember when I ranted about shopping for bras? Well I went back to Victoria's secret and tried on, like, everything they would hand me. I even gritted my teeth and accepted their 34A box... AND... they didn't fit. So apparently Victoria's Secret makes not a bra that properly fits me knockas. So I left. I then went to Target and lo and behold. Bras! That fit and flatter me! In a myriad of colors and patterns! For 9.99-12.99 each!! Score! I would include pictures but that would make me feel rather exposed.

Remember when I talked about how much, uh, difficulty I was having with my new class? Well it's not so bad now. The quizzes have gotten better, I have gotten somewhat used to the long days, and my instructor seems less intense. And there is only a week and a half left, so really I'm in the home stretch of this quarter. These last days will be very tough but after that I have another glorious break. What on earth am I going to do with myself for my two weeks off?

And lastly, remember that fiercely raging title war between doctors and nurses? Yeah, um, me neither. Apparently it exists. On this med student's blog, he talks about how DNPs (that's 'Doctor of Nursing Practice') shouldn't be allowed to go by the title "Doctor" in medical settings for various reasons-- it confuses the patients, it perpetuates a false level of expertise, if you wanna be a doctor go to med school, stop being jealous of how great we are, etc etc. And other blogs and journal articles appear to address the same issue from various viewpoints. I have some thoughts on this matter:

- Making grand generalizations about ALL NPs based on this so-called "doctor envy" makes you sound like a douche. See also: statements like "they want to endanger patients." I'm pretty sure NOBODY wants to endanger patients, sweetie, but thanks for the shout-out.

- Apparently there are NPs out there who want very much to have the same rights, responsibilities, and respect given to doctors. And apparently there is a hot debate as to whether or not they should be allowed to. As someone who is in school to become an NP, may I just say "Wha...?" And also, "Um?" I chose nursing because of its merits as a discipline, not because I couldn't get into med school. I want to be a nurse because of everything the field has to offer. I don't want to be a doctor, nor do I want the rights, responsibilities, or the respect they are given. I want the rights, responsibilities, and respect that I will earn from my work as a nurse. You can keep your title. I am satisfied, nay, proud to call myself a nurse.

- Also! We're all on the same team! Lets try and get along so that we can focus on patient care, rather than who calls whom what and where, sound good? Anybody?

Tomorrow and Friday I'm at clinicals again and then this weekend I will be frantically working on the five, count 'em FIVE papers I have due next week. If you happen to stop by the library and see a sweatsuit-clad tea drinker clutching her head and weepily typing on a MacBook come over and say hello won't you?

So how are you liking San Francisco?

I moved from LA back in June to start school up here. I grew up in NorCal, but I tend to tell people I am "from" LA since I lived there for the past 8 years. Also, it's less embarrassing to admit you don't really know where any Bay Area cities or streets are when people don't think you grew up here. If you say you're from the area but can't list the cities accessed by the Bay Bridge people tend to think you are a special kind of idiot.

Anyhow, when people ask how I like living in San Francisco, I usually say "I thought I would miss LA more." And I really thought I would. I loved LA. I was happy there and I felt like it was MY HOME. So it surprises me how little I really MISS it. Of course there are people I miss and of course there are things that I used to do that I miss but I don't wish I still lived there. And I really had thought I would.

I genuinely LIKE San Francisco. I had never really thought of it as an option until I decided to go to school up here. It was always too cold, too foggy, too NorCal. And, duh, I loved LA-- why would I ever leave? But now I wonder why I hadn't thought of it before! San Francisco is a big, fun city with a lot going on and plenty of places to explore and buy stuff. And it lacks certain things from my LA life that I did not care for: Smog. Unbelievable amounts of traffic. A city-wide "meh." attitude toward environmental issues. Palpable unspoken tension. Too much highway between me and my family. Celebrities and celebrity wannabes. Did I mention the traffic?

And, also, San Francisco seems to have this (as my classmate described it) "come as you are" attitude, while LA is much more "see and be seen." Having lived in both cities, I think that this assessment is quite good. I might call it Right On The Money. Or at the very least, close to the money. Spitting distance from the money, if you will. LA definitely has a Notice Me attitude, where everyone is checking each other out. San Francisco feels.... different from this. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I like it.

I like living here.