I know it's only been about a month and a half but so far I have thought the classes are hard but not unreachably hard. I have definitely had classes where I have spontaneously burst into tears on a regular basis while trying to complete assignments. But even with my not-so-sciency background I am still managing to get a fair grasp on what is being taught. So the classes are hard but I think (hope) I can handle it. And then there are clinicals which are exhausting and time-consuming but, again, I think I can handle them too (so far at least).
I had a conversation with a good friend this weekend about school and she was asking if any of our clinicals were going to be night shifts. I said that no, I didn't think the first year had any night shifts. Once we get into the Master's portion of the program we might have to do some nights but it just depends. The way it is now is that we have two days a week plus a clinical lab.
"are they 12 hour shifts?"
"No, this quarter is 8 hour shifts."
"Oh, we had to do 12 hours."
"Well we also have our clinical lab and classes..."
"So did we."
Uh. Okay.
I don't know why I started feeling kind of defensive of how rough my school is, but I did.
BECAUSE IT IS.
Yes, we may have a set schedule of classes 2 days a week, clinical lab 1 day, and clinicals 2 days and we get weekends off and we have a nice break in December but we are learning in ONE year the amount of stuff that typically takes 2-4 years. There is a rare moment in my days when I'm not at school or clinicals, studying, or at least thinking and planning for school.
And everything else has kind of been pushed to the wayside. But you know what? That's okay. Because I think I appreciate it more. Like I went ice skating again yesterday and it was great fun. I know it would have been fun either way, but I think I got more out of it knowing that it was my break to just have fun. And I've been talking on the phone in the evenings, which I always like to do. But now when I talk on the phone I will straighten up the kitchen or set out my clothes for the next day. It feels nice to give myself a little break, but also to do things that will keep me organized and sane.
So I know it is only August, but so far I am pretty content with my new situation. I think it has something to do with the fact that I picked up my life and made about seventeen thousand big changes all at once. I quit my job, I took out a big ol' student loan, I got a new place to live, I reorganized many of my priorities..... and I know that there's no real turning back. I guess if I was truly unhappy then I would have to rethink some decisions and such, but generally I knew when I sent in my acceptance form that this was for keeps. If I was overwhelmed and exhausted and sometimes frustrated (which I am), I would just have to figure out a way to deal with it.
And so far that has meant that when I do feel those ways, it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it could.
Often when presented with difficult situations in the past, I would try to figure out how to get myself out. But since I knew going into this that I wasn't going to get out, now I've been trying to figure out how to get myself through. I've known since I started this program that I am just going to have to take it day by day and I think that has made me appreciate the days more as they come instead of focusing on what's next.
