Happy Halloween!

If I could turn back tiiiiiiime.....

My inspiration:

The hair took the most effort.

But I think it came out pretty awesome.

At the party, with a cutie patootie little Can-can dancer.

The boys.

N's head looks too small because it is. But his mask made the costume decidedly creepier.

See? GAH.

He was designated driver. That's a sober face.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Things

Oof. Okay. Enough moping and whining. I think it is time for a list of things that are currently making me happy. In no particular order:

Halloween.

Halloween candy.

I washed my sheets and blankies the other day. They feel lovely.

I sent my sister a flat iron because she tried using mine and loved it.

I've been buying 'business casual' shirts from thrift stores for clinical (and, eventually, work). They are cheapitty cheap and also very cute. It is a highly satisfying exercise.

Pumpkin pie. I haven't actually had any yet but I'm ready for it.

Thanksgiving.

The day after Thanksgiving my radio station starts playing Christmas music round the clock. I love Christmas music.

Bowie has been consistently sleeping on my bed with me. It is really cute how exhausted he seems- one paw draped over his little face, snoring- but he sleeps quite a lot during the day so I'm not sure why he's so tuckered out.

I've been listening to audiobooks on my way to and from clinical. It is surprisingly soothing.

I am graduating in June.

I went to a different provider at the health center today. I like her better than the last doc I saw.

Everyone in this town seems to be in the World Series spirit. I've had meetings get out a little early "so we can all get out of here and watch the game" and several of the buildings downtown have changed their lights to orange. I've never been a huge baseball fan but it is definitely fun to see everybody so excited. It's contagious.

My plants look happy.

I ordered a box of my favorite pens from Amazon. They were cheaper than any store and I got a whole bunch of them. Score!

Christmas.

The little kids' Christmas pageant in church.

Christmas maple sugar candy.

Christmas presents.

Bagel Day.

I like my classes.

I stopped carrying a backpack and have been carrying a shoulder bag instead. Now my back doesn't hurt when I get home from school.

I got a pedicure a couple weeks ago and it still looks good.

I ordered new rain boots.

I washed my hair today and it smells nice-- like pomegranate.

I just learned how to spell 'pomegranate.'

Something

Oh hai.

So.

Um.

I kind of hate reading those posts that are all "Sorry I've been away! Here's why I haven't had time to blog!" It always makes me feel kind of irritated like, 'oh what? You think I missed you? Like I read your blog or something? I mean, I DO read it and everything, but that's not the POINT.' I'm not sure what my imaginary point is in these hypothetical confrontations but I do seem to get awfully huffy about it.

So. If you're like me and you don't like posts like that, go ahead and skip on down to the bottom. Go on. I'll meet you there.

Because I'm doing precisely that. Sorry I've been away. Really I'm more "sorry" for me than for you. I don't want to presume that you were in some way missing me. But I CERTAINLY missed you.

Really all I've been doing is school and clinicals and group projects and putting papers in my new binders and banging my shins on the coffee table.
Also of note: I've been diagnosed with one of those infuriating chronic disorders with an umbrella label that they use to describe a collection of symptoms. Also? It's an EMBARRASSING one. Also? I feel like people think it is fake. No no, my friends, this pain I have is sadly very real.
With this diagnosis of exclusion type thang, there isn't a clear cause or cure. I just have to figure out how to handle it. And that's FINE but it still kinda sucks. Enough to make me want to lay around and feel sorry for myself for about a week. Dramatic? Me? NEVER.

I sort of got to the point here where I felt like if I didn't have anything amazing and glittery to say, why write anything at all? I don't know why, though. Because that has definitely never been a criterion before.

Yesterday I snapped out of it. I decided it didn't have to be amazing, it just had to be SOMETHING, DAMMIT.

So here it is: Something!

Nerdypants

I've started my last year in my nursing program. My last year in school, period, and I mean it this time. This year seems to be a bit calmer than last. I'm sure it has to do with me liking my clinical sites and feeling good about my classes and having friends in my program, but let's not forget that last October was so full of drama and chaos and INSANITY that by comparison this one seems to be smooooooth sailing.

Last year I was so preoccupied and meh over the whole prospect of school that I didn't bother to really prepare. I just threw a couple half-used notebooks into my backpack and kept all my papers in one folder, all disorganized and falling out. This year I treated myself to some new supplies.

Binder, pencil sharpener, planner, and lunchbox.

I went a little crazy over the matchy-matchy and cutesy stuff that was on sale. Too adorable, right?

Owl pencil case

I also stocked up on new binders and went through all my old papers and categorized and labeled them all.

I bring the pink one to school with me. I put just what I need for school that day in it and switch it out when I get home. I've started getting a lot of enjoyment out of hole punching and putting my papers in their different binders under the proper tabs.

Yes, carrying my little pink binder and using my little heart printed pencil sharpener and writing in my little heart printed planner is all very pleasing. I'm saving my heart printed binder to use for my research project and I'm pretty excited about that, too.

Basically, what I'm saying is that I'm a huge nerdypants. And I like it.

Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life

Have a baby.

Or two. Or several.
Maybe an even half-dozen.

But I'll start with one.

Please.

At the Little Shamrock Pub

"I'm going to the bathroom."

"Ok. I would recommend that you go to the one on the left. It's more, um, entertaining."

"What?"

"You'll see."

Oh.

Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for

There is someone who deserves to be forgiven for the things she said to me.
She was right, in some ways. But she was mean.
The words she said cut me down when I was already a fragile shell of myself, full of heartache and fear.
I don't think she will ever understand. But I know she loves me and wants only the best for me.
So I need to forgive.
Somehow.

Our drive back up on Sunday.

Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for

I'm an obsessive conversation/interaction re-hasher. I go over the things I said and the things I did and berate myself for the little mistakes I made.

The fact that I told my preceptor who loves golf how much I HATE golf. The fact that I bumped heads with an acquaintance when I tried to give her a hug. The fact that I forgot who I was waving to and accidentally blew kisses to a stranger. The fact that I compared my friend's baby's habit of wandering in circles to that of an Alzheimer's patient.

I go over and over little things like this and mutter conversations to myself in the car or the shower, reframing what I said and did and putting the RIGHT things in their place. I should have said this, I should have done that.

I chastise myself for being the way I am-- for saying what I say, for doing what I do. I scold myself for little mistakes or quirks that no one really cares about, that no one is paying attention to.

I need to cut it out and just accept that I'm never going to be PERFECT at interacting with others and that, really, nobody cares if I am or not.

I need to forgive myself for being me.

Crepe Paper, Balloons, Glowsticks, and a Keg.

I went to a wedding on Saturday. It was a little bit stressful considering last week was my first week back in school, my first week back in clinicals-- basically my first week of using my brain after severalmany weeks of doing nothing but sitting around and eating girl scout cookies. So driving down to LA and back in the course of a weekend was not the nicest thing to do for my sanity but the wedding ended up being quite a lot of fun.

The most noteworthy thing, in my mind, is how incredibly easygoing the bride was. I've never actually been to a wedding wherein the bride was a total Bridezilla Crazyface but I think there is a reasonable level of feakout that can happen when there is an huge event you've been planning for MONTHS with lots of different elements and people and you want to look good and you want everything to go smoothly. I guess what I'm saying here is that MOST ladies I know have been relaxed and happy at their weddings, despite minor mishaps, even though it would be totally understanable to have a mini meltdown if there was, say, a 13 state power outage on your wedding day, like there was on my sister's.

But I still think this bride was, like, EXTRA cool-as-a-cucumber based on the following list:

- She wears glasses all the time but had wanted to wear her contacts on her wedding day. When she went to put them in she realized that one of them was the wrong prescription and it was far too late to order more. So she just wore her glasses.

- The wedding coordinator didn't cue the priest and groomsmen and the groom to enter the church at the beginning of the ceremony. So the bridesmaids walked down the aisle, the music changed, everyone stood up, and the bride and her father entered the church. The bride SAW THAT THE GROOM WAS MISSING and started to LAUGH.

- Photobombers.

- MOONING Photobombers.

- Kegstands.

- At the end of the night, the guests left and the family and close friends started to clean up because the rental company would come pick up the tables and chairs early in the morning. The bride and groom stuck around and helped fold and stack up chairs.

  

Congrats Amy & Michael! You guys know how to throw a party!