Cheers

"Look! They have Costco brand beer!"

"That's crazy! Should we buy it?"

"Do you think it's any good?"

"Well... their toilet paper is good."

"Their tires are good."

"..."

"..."

"Okay, let's buy it!"

 

What is WRONG with people?

I recently found out that a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend. They had been going through a rough patch for some time, and she had been really upset but still cared about him a great deal. She had been open to the idea of working things out between them.

And then she found out that he had been cheating on her for a solid year. He tried to deny it. And when that didn't work, he blamed everyone but himself and even complained that his other girlfriend was cheating on him.

My friend had lived with the guy; she had thought they were going to the married someday. But he had been leading a complete double life. He would take her car and go visit his girlfriend in another city. Everything he ever said to her was a LIE.

Another friend of mine has a child. And the child's father (her ex) has constant revolving-door relationships and hookups. Recently the child said something in front of the guy's current girlfriend. Something along the lines of "Daddy has LOTS of girlfriends." And, presumably, the current girlfriend had some questions.

The guy called my friend (the child's mom, obvs) in front of his girlfriend and tried to get her to admit that the child has been lying a lot recently. So now the poor kid is being accused of lying, just so the guy can save face and continue to lie to and screw around on his girlfriend.

Seriously. What IS wrong with people?

Six or so months ago an ex of mine (no, not THAT one) was in town and I agreed to grab lunch with him and his friends (and my friend K, who I cajoled into coming with me). No big deal, we ate, we chatted, we made polite conversation. And then I asked how he and his girlfriend were doing.
He shrugged "Eh, things are okay. I dunno."
And then, because I knew him and I knew his track record of shadiness and douchebaggery I asked "Is she okay with you having lunch with me?"
"Sure" he said.
"Does she know you were going to see me when you came into town?"
He smirked "Well, I mean, I didn't KNOW I was going to see you."
I prodded further, "So you didn't tell her?"
"Well she didn't ask," he said, raising his arms into the it's outta my hands gesture.
I can't remember the exact phrasing of what I said here but I know that it was some paragraph long speech about The Importance of Honesty in a Relationship. I believe my main thesis topic was this: Lying to Your Girlfriend is Bad.
He interrupted, "Well I didn't lie. I wouldn't call it lying to her."
I squinted at him and cocked my head inquisitively, "Then what would you call it?"
"Not... revealing the whole truth."

AND THEN MY HEAD EXPLODED.

Because NOT REVEALING THE WHOLE TRUTH equals sign LYING.

THEY ARE THE SAME.


Okay okay okay. Let me back up a little. In case anyone gets up in arms about this I should mention that INTENT is important. Of course. Intent matters. Not revealing the whole truth isn't ALWAYS the exact same thing as lying.
But it can be.
And in this situation it was.
I know, I asked.
"Soooo. Are you going to tell her you hung out with me?"
"Well uh. I uh. She probably wouldn't want to know. I mean, she gets jealous."

She does? YOU DON'T SAY!

So do you see what I mean? In this situation, the intent was to keep the poor girl in the dark. He made the choice to lie to her instead of treating her with the respect she deserves as his girlfriend.
I mean, she has nothing to worry about in terms of me. I would gladly sit her down and tell her how firmly I AM NOT INTERESTED in her boyfriend. But that's not the point: if there's nothing to hide, then don't hide anything. It is eleventybazillion times worse to find out that your boyfriend lied to you "didn't reveal the whole truth" about seeing his ex than to have an uncomfortable conversation about the possibility of him seeing his ex.


My friend's boyfriend lied to her face for a YEAR while he carried on an affair behind her back.
And my other friend's ex lied to her so much when they were together that she broke up with him and now he's moved on to lying to other girls. And accusing a child of lying to cover up his OWN LIES.

The lying, you guys. The LYING. It makes my skin crawl and my throat feel tight to think about all the LYING. And all the lovely, unsuspecting, innocent people who are being deceived and hurt by the LYING LIARS WHO LIE.


WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

Twenty-Eight

When I turned 27, I felt like this:

I also got this:

That summer involved a lot of this:

(fake, anxious smiling)

But, fortunately, also some of this:

And this:

Summer ended. School started again.

And then October and November were two of the hardest months of my life.

I did a lot of this:

And this:

And this:

But my friends made sure I also managed to cut loose and have some fun as 2009 came to a close.

In October there was this:

And this:

November included this:

And there was December, with some of this:

And this:

 And this:

January, 2010. A new year, a clean slate. A chance to start fresh.

February, March, April, May, June.

Looking back at those months just seems like a whirlwind of awesome and hilarious adventures.

July.

July 26, 2010.
I am twenty-eight today.
It's been a good year.
It's been a good life, so far.

Healing

As a nurse I see many, many wounds. Surgical incisions, traumatic injuries, bedsores. Gaping holes in the skin right down to the bone. Bruises and abrasions and lacerations with pools of blood or swollen, angry skin.

And I am consistently amazed by how some of the most wretched and horrific wounds are able to, with time and care, heal. The tissue knits itself back together and becomes whole. The result is often imperfect with scars or uneven bumps of flesh. But the body heals.

In the metaphorical sense, I am also healing. Being victimized by verbal and emotional abuse creates wounds. They might not be visible, but they are there. Having your trust betrayed makes it hard to trust again. Being lied to makes it hard to believe in people.

Being manipulated and tormented and belittled hurts.

Areas of scarring and damage become more sensitive, more susceptible to injury. My emotional injuries are no exception. I have emotional scars, that is certain. Because of my experiences I am more cautious and sensitive. I am more likely to be triggered and upset by a seemingly innocuous occurrence because it resembles something from my past. But I think that, with time, even this will fade.

I am healing. The name calling and the hurtful remarks and the deliberate attempts to cut me down-- those memories are fading and the wounds are healing. What I am able to focus on is how quickly people sprang into action to help me. How steadfastly they (you) stood by my side.

Back in November, I wrote about how grateful I was. Even when I was in the thick of it, even through the anxiety and terror, I could still see how lucky I was. What I remember is how amazingly people came through for me. How time and again my friends picked me up and dusted me off. How fiercely, unrelentingly loyal and protective people were. How insanely far people went out of their way for me.

I got to see just how much love there is out there for me. Because of that, my scars are beautiful. And I can heal.

Weekend of Beach Cities

(What is this bird?)

(I had a hard time leaving this seashell store because of my intense desire to TOUCH EVERYTHING.)

(I know it's blurry. I thought it looked neat.)

Today I'm sick. STILL SICK. And mightily frustrated about it! But the bonus about being a nurse and in nurse practitioner school is that I have self-diagnosed myself. I can't self-prescribe yet but I can self-pity like a professional.

I'm spending the day drinking expired codeine cough syrup and eating expired Cheerios. I found them in the garbage. The Cheerios, I mean. On a recent trip to the basement trash room I found cases upon cases of expired Cheerios, so I helped myself. I found the cough syrup in my cabinet and it has made my day pleasantly hazy.

They're fine.
I would like to be well now, please and thank you.