Tuesday, November 18, 2008

My weekend: A series of conversations

At 7:30 pm on Friday following an exhausting day at clinical-
Jenny: So do you wanna go out tonight?
Jules: I dunno. I'm kind of exhausted. I don't think I'm up for it.
Jenny: You're no fun!
Jules: Well I've been on my feet all day... since 6:30...
Jenny: I didn't say it wasn't legitimate. I just said you're no fun.
Jules: Fine. Come over.

While leaving the house-
Jenny: [takes off glasses and goes to "clean" them on the nearest piece of cloth-- a pair of jeans I had hung up to dry]
Jules: What are you doing?! DON'T DO THAT!!
Jenny: Jesus. Of all the things you've yelled at me for.... Of all the things you could have yelled at me for....

At the first bar-
Jenny: Can I get a vanilla vodka and-
Bartender: No. Beer and wine only
Jenny: Oh, um... a... Stella?
Bartender: You got it.
Jules: Same here.
Bartender: Okay [goes to get drinks]
Jenny: I had to try so hard to think of a beer besides PBR.

Jenny: Check out the guy in the turquoise shirt.
Jules: What about these douchebags behind us?
Douchebag 1: Did you just call us douchebags?
Jules: Oh, um. No. Haha! I meant... those guys over there. Haha!
Jenny: No! Ha! [engages in witty banter with Douchebag 2; lets him try on her glasses].
Douchebag 1: So those glasses really make you guys look smarter. Seriously, it adds like 20 points to your IQ.
Jules: Okay...

Jules: Check out this creep behind me.
Jenny: You mean the guy staring at me?
Jules: What? [tries to look over shoulder]
Jenny: Don't look at him. No! Don't look at him! No! Stop trying to look at him! No! Stop it!

In line at the club-
Jenny: We need to take pictures.

Still in line-
Guy 1: Is that a Trojan tattoo with roses?
Jules: Yep.
Guy 1: That's awesome!
[Jules & Jen meet the medical students. Introductions.]
Guy 2: So what do you guys do?
Jenny: I work at UCSC, she goes to nursing school.
Guy 2: Oh that's cool. We totally rely on nurses.
Jules: Um...

In the club-
[Jen & Jules stare around in complete sensory overload. There are no words to describe it....]
Jenny: What's with all the creepy weirdos?
Jules: What's with all the guys singing the song lyrics?
Jenny: What's with all the guys dancing with each other?
Jules: What's with all the guys in V neck shirts?
Jenny: What's with the music?
Jules: What's with the crazy people on the stage?

Douchebag: How old are you?
Jenny: 26 [holds up fingers]
Douchebag: 26?
Jenny: yeah
Douchebag: [walks away]
Jenny: Oh my god. He thinks I'm an old bar hag.

Jenny: I'm too sick to go to my conference.
Jules: I don't know if I believe you actually had a conference. You've barely mentioned it, you didn't write anything about it and you can't seem to describe it to me.
Jenny: Wanna see my nametag?

At Denny's
Jenny: Did you go in the handicapped stall?
Jules: [confused look]
Jenny: In the bathroom? Did you see the little short toilet? Oh, wait. Did you not go to the bathroom?
Jules: I haven't left the table.

In a bar-
Jules: Two Kamakazi shots please.
Bartender: That's ten dollars.
Jules: [tries to hand him credit card]
Bartender: You don't have cash?
Jules: No.
Bartender: You don't have ten dollars cash?
Jules: No.
Bartender: [sighs in frustration]
Jenny: Can I get a Stella please?
Bartender: Do you have cash?
Jenny: No.
Bartender: Forget it; I don't have time for this.
[I feel the need to point out that this was at a touristy bar with no minimum charge policy, on a Saturday night, in Union Square in San Francisco...]

In the second bar-
Bouncer: [standing between Jules & Jen, staring off into the distance] I've been to LA in 1993..... people don't know how bad it is there.... it's pretty bad.... but yeah I went there a long time ago.... I've been to Philly too... it's pretty bad there....
Jenny: Oh one of my best friends lives in Philly, she-
Bouncer: And I've been to Pittsburgh.... I think Pittsburgh was the worst place I've been.... Boston's pretty bad too.... I've been to Boston.... [walks away suddenly to card some people]
Jenny: Um. What the fuck?!
Jules: I DON'T KNOW.
[Bouncer comes back and resumes his speech as though he's never been away]
Bouncer: And I've been to New York.... that's probably the worst place I've ever been.... Philly is pretty bad, though.... but I think maybe New York is the worst place I've been.... [walks away again]
Jenny: We're leaving.
Jules: So I don't remember-- did we say something like "Can you please list for us the cities you've been to? And were any of them bad?"

Sunday morning-
[alarm clock goes off]
Jenny: NO!
Jules: What time do you want me to set-
Jenny: NO!!!
Jules: Okay, nevermind.

You can read Jenny's version of the events here.