The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

Thanks to online library requests, I accidentally checked out the GIANT "read aloud" version.

Bigger than my head, people.

There's this passive-aggressive note in the book about how even though The Magician's Nephew was written later, it's SUPPOSED to be first so that's how HarperCollins is publishing them. Which, did somebody do a fact-check on that? Because, while *I* certianly don't care what order the individual consumer decides to read to books, I think that my respect for C.S. Lewis might drop down a few rungs if he really MEANT the Magician's Nephew to be read first.
One of the reasons I enjoyed reading the Magician's Nephew so much was that I already KNEW the story of the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe so it was neat to be like "Oh THAT's the explanation for such and such" or "Oh THAT's where this came from." It was FUN. If you are supposed to read the explanations FIRST, the information isn't surprising and intriguing, it's just information. Like how the new Star Wars movies came out and everybody was all excited at first but if you watch the prequel trilogy first, you miss out on the DRAMA that occurs when (spoiler alert!) Luke finds out Vader is his father. You're supposed to read Graceling and THEN read Fire because then you're all spooked and fascinated. Prequels are neat because we already KNOW what happens later. That's the POINT.

Uh. Anyhow.

That aside, this book was enjoyable. It was quick and fun and lovey I thought I hadn't read it before but now I think maybe I have because I totally remembered the part where Edmund draws spectacles on a stone lion, did that happen in any of the movie representations, is that why I remember it? And I know the witch is horrible and such but I kind of like the name Jadis now, is that crazy?

Also, there is one part where the children are asking the Beaver friends about the White Witch and why she's so bent out of shape about humans because isn't she a human herself? Mr. Beaver explains that she is not a human because she is the daughter of "Adam's first wife, Lilith" and then he just CONTINUES ON WITH HIS STORY and none of children stop him to go "Adam's first wife? Exsqueeze me?" and the plot carries on and adventures ensue and everyone fawns over Aslan and the kids chase him as he frolics through the meadow and they fight exciting battles and there is even a unicorn (!!!) and (spoiler alert!) the kids make it back out of the Wardrobe and whew! But I'm still stuck on Adam's first wife? Exsqueeze me?

Girl Talk: Penned Kink

When it comes to romance novels, I was a bit of a late bloomer. I believe it was my sophomore year of college during those two months-ish when I was living in an apartment far away from everyone I knew (before I moved into the TroCoHo, the most awesome house EVER) and I didn't have a TV. I spent a lot of time reading, mostly random books I had been given or bestsellers. And then one day I was at the drugstore and I came across The Calhoun Women by Nora Roberts. And I was single and replaying my own escapades in my head wasn't quite cutting it and there was no one around to judge me, so I bought it. And then I bought the second one the next day.

The great thing about these books is that they encompassed several different kinds of lady fantasies: There is the tomboyish girl, Catherine, who starts out making smart remarks and snarking at the polished businessman and they have heated arguments and are breathing all heavily with pent-up aggression and then whoops! they start making out. And there is Amanda, the professional, practical girl who gets seduced by the burly, calloused construction worker even thought she knows she couldn't possibly be attracted to him, he's far too dirty and masculine. And Lilah, the free-spirited, long-haired hippie chick who draws the bookworm guy out of his shell and into her bed after nursing him back to health. And, finally, there is Suzanna, the sad and wounded divorcee who falls for the overprotective cop even though she never thought she could love again.

Cliche? Perhaps. But titillating? Oh my, yes.

And I've also read, um, this entire series. If things like plot inconsistencies and misspelled words bother you then I don't recommend them. But if you can get past this they are quite entertaining with snappy dialogue and delightfully light and fluffy plots. Hot vampires with raw animal passion who actually get it on (as opposed to a certain other vampire series which is a gigantic tease)? Yum.

Romance novels didn't give me an unrealistic perception of sex at a young age. Movies, TV, books without graphic descriptions of sex, gossip, magazines, and my own overactive imagination game me plenty of unrealistic ideas. Romance novels just gave me bedtime (and bathtime) entertainment and an inventory of naughty-part euphemisms... my favorite of which might have to be "throbbing member." Throbbing? Um, is it infected?

Twilight on the Big Screen

Because everyone was talking about how amazing it is and because my classes rendered me incapable of reading anything for pleasure that would require more than 12% of my brain to stay focused and because I tend to take pleasure in the vampire romance as a book genre, I read Twilight. I thoroughly enjoyed the book. I was enraptured while I was reading it and I had positive things to say about it. But after I finished it, I started teasing out little pet peeves that existed in the book and mentioning them in a kind of halfhearted, nitpicky way. I would mention little things without being able to name exactly what bugged me about the book. Fortunately, when she came to visit, Jenny was able to put into words exactly what I had felt "When you're reading the book" she said as we walked through the streets of San Francisco trying to find a bar that might serve the likes of us "you're totally into it. Because she's a captivating writer. But then you get to the end of it and you put the book down and you're like 'What the fuck??'"

Exactly. Yes. That was exactly how I felt. I was thoroughly entertained by the book while I was reading it because it made me feel like something really exciting and titillating was just around the corner, just on the next page, just keep reading and you will get to it! But that book is SUCH A TEASE. All suspense, hardly any release. All semi-soft making out, no gettin its freak on. I'm not saying it wasn't exciting, but, well, not a lot actually happens in that book. In the final 45 pages or so there is some real action but other than that the characters devote a freakishly large of their time to talking about their feelings.

So when we were walking out of the theater and my sis said "That was it?? Noting happened!" I came back with "I told you, it's a MAGIC BOOK." Nothing really happens in the book, so ta-da, nothing really happens in the movie. I thought that a lot of good decisions were made-- like tweaking the plot so there was an actual story arc. And removing whole sections of dialogue but keeping enough to make the hardcore fans happy. And making Jacob Black a-freakin-dorable (in a totally harmless way, I swear. I KNOW he's only 16. Sigh).

And even though it had many ridiculous moments (at one point my sis leaned over to me and asked, "are Edwards lips getting redder and redder between frames? Are his cheekbones getting more pronounced??") actually, I could possibly be talked in to going to see that movie again. Because I'm a sucker for the slow-motioney bits and the intense stares and the uniquely beautiful people and the music buildup. I'm totally the person who gets hoodwinked in to buying something because it comes in a pretty package or because the salesperson flatters me into it. I can be quite the airhead consumer. And I also know that the Hollywood gloss won't be quite as shiny on the small screen so I'll need to see it in the theater if I ever want to see it again. Which I guess I kinda do.... Damn it.