Mixed Feelings

Severalmany years ago I wrote a post about a darling little mixer that I bought from a thrift store. It really was adorable and quirky and fit right into my retro kitchen that I was struggling to have, despite the modern, new construction apartment I was inhabiting.

I tried to tell myself that I didn’t really need one of those KitchenAid mixers. They’re so highfalutin and expensive and PROBABLY FULL OF NARGLES. I’m too cool for that thing everybody else likes because I’m a unique human person snowflake.

But, uh. Then I was getting married and I made a gift registry (because *I* always appreciate when someone has a registry. Let’s not get dragged down that tangent, she says, deleting three paragraphs about registries). Anyhow, I made a gift registry and I included a KitchenAid mixer because, well, it wouldn’t be something I would want to buy for myself and a wedding is an excellent excuse to get the sorts of things one wouldn’t buy for oneself (see also: fancy china, nice towels, expensive waffle iron).

So we got the new KitchenAid mixer as a wedding present from some of my relatives and, yep, I’m totally that person who needs a KitchenAid mixer.

Look at this beauty. LOOK RIGHT AT HER.

Sweet little retro mixer has gone off to a new owner, hopefully one that will love it as much as I did.

And a few weeks ago the fancy new mixer and I made Irish brown bread, like some kind of MAGICIAN.

Wedding Accessories

I'm one of those girls. I didn't think I would be one of those girls, but I totally am.

I never thought I’d be someone who was into the cheesy wedding-logo crap and all of the various wedding accessories.

I don’t know why I didn’t think I would be this type of person. The signs were all there—I went to Australia and bought six or seven Australia tee shirts and a boomerang, I went to USC and now own one of pretty much everything they sell with USC stamped on it. I’ve actually had to hold myself back from buying a USC trailer hitch cover, and my car does not even have a trailer hitch. Evidently I am someone who likes having the THING and also all of the accessories with it.

But for some reason I got up on my high horse about silly weddingy stuff. I used to think, "Oh, I'm superior to all of that nonsense. I don't need a big flowy dress and a tiara and who wears those stupid "bride" tee shirts anyhow?"

ME that's who. Because I’m EXACTLY the person for whom they market this crap.

Apparently.

I DO need a big flowy dress AND a tiara.

And this bedazzled BRIDE hoodie.

And these white flip fliops, for pre-wedding pedicures.

And some of these tee shirts for my bridesmaids (have I mentioned that my bridesmaids are my 4 oldest nieces? NIECEMAIDS.)

And this honeymoon tee shirt.

And this super awesome USC garter which is, like, a magical compilation of my current interests.

And these forks, for the wedding cake.

I also think I need these cups.

This might be getting out of hand.

My name is Superjules and I have an accessory-buying problem.

full of beans

Age zero to 29- I hate coffee. Coffee is the worst. It is gross and yucky. It SMELLS delicious which is a BOLD FACED LIE because it tastes like sadness and damp washrags. If I need to drink something caffeinated I will have a Coke or a Pepsi or tea with lots of milk and sugar or I’ll just have snacks instead.

Everyone who likes coffee has already tried to convince me that coffee is great or that I just haven’t tried this PARTICULAR drink or that I’ll grow into it and no. NO I SAY! Coffee is Satan’s preparation H and it can go right to hell.

Age 29- my sister buys me an “Ice Cap” from the little drive through coffee place in her tiny godforsaken Oregon town. It is some sort of ice creamy milkshakey caramelly orgasm in a cup that is now the drink yardstick against which all future tasty beverages shall be measured. The next time I visit my sister she buys me the horrendous CEARLY ALL WRONG abomination “equivalent” from Starbucks which I take one sip of and say YLECH. Ice Caps! I don’t like coffee, I like ICE CAPS.

Age 30- I’m stranded in Oregon after driving up with my sister and her kids. There was a plane crash at SFO and now nobody can fly into or out of SFO and every tiny airport on the Oregon coast has turned into a shit show. Planes are grounded, but I have to get home to go to work. I manage to rent a car at one of the aforementioned tiny airports, so I stop at the little coffee place and buy the BIGGEST ICE CAP I can get my hands on and then hit the road. YES I’ll take that extra shot and whipped cream etc etc all of the sugar please and thank you. Half an hour later I have to pull over because I’m too tired to drive. I reassess the situation and trade in my rental car for a Greyhound ticket and spend the rest of the day pondering how the Ice Cap failed me. (As a bonus, I get off the bus in Oakland to use the bathroom and my bus leaves without me, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Age 31- I cautiously try a caramel mocha frappuccino at the local coffee shop. It’s okay, I guess. I try the regular mocha frap. Gross. I try the regular caramel frap. Gross. I try the caramel mocha frap with extra caramel drizzle on top. It’s okay, I guess. And by that I mean okay enough to have one about 3-5 days per week for a year.

Age 32- Frappuccinos are hard to spell and they’re expensive and I’m kind of tired of them. I’ll try this iced coffee. Ylech. Iced coffee is gross, but maybe if I add some whole milk and a drizzle of caramel it will be tolerable. Yes, I’m sure I wouldn’t like to try a HOT beverage, thankyouverymuch.

When I'm home for Christmas my brother in law brings me the same hot coffee drink as my sister- something marked “CM” on the cup. I go to Starbucks and deduce that it must have been a Caramel Macchiato. I try one. I like it.

Today- I ordered a caramel macchiato and it is delicious. WHO AM I. WHAT IS THIS LIFE. THE SUN IS SHINING THE TANK IS CLEAN.

New Year

I think it’s pretty universal that people don’t tend to like blog posts about why someone hasn’t been blogging. But, whatever. This is my blog, and if a gal can’t be insufferable on her blog, then what? There's just nowhere left to be insufferable? Unacceptable. And actually now that I’m about to write it out it doesn’t seem like the long, obnoxious explanation I had in my head: Basically I could never figure out where to start so I just stopped starting. So here I am today because I’ve got to start somewhere with unclogging this bottleneck of words.

I’ve had this New Year’s survey in my drafts folder for… awhile. I just kept half assing answers and skipping ahead and then closing the computer in defeat. I guess I’m feeling more free-form this year.

Last year I felt totally cynical and just plain sad because 2012 had turned out so epically craptastic. So I spent a fair amount of New Year's Eve weeping and then picked myself up, had some champagne, and did my New Year’s Dip with my nieces and nephews to wash away 2012 and I was all set and ready to make a fresh start. Annnnd then I got BUTT MRSA. So I was like, what the hell, Universe? Why would you do this to me? But then I figured it out. You see, the Universe actually wants me to be on the LUNAR calendar. So New Year’s Eve was more of a formality for me, my ACTUAL year began on Feb 10, the year of the SNAKE. I’m listening, Universe. I’m picking up what you’re throwing down.

So. January 31 is coming up, which means I and my Lunar brethren will be turning the corner and welcoming in the Year of the Horse. (I already did my New Year’s Dip, because that’s a family tradition and I’m not going to mess with that timeline.)

Okay, so are we on the same page here? I'm finally going to post my survey, but it's actually not late because I'm on the Lunar calendar.

I’m just gonna cut out the ones I've been skipping over because BOTTLENECK.

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
I started suffering from insomnia, mostly related to horrifying nightmares. And as a result I started taking sleeping medication.
Possibly related to this I started liking coffee- caramel mocha frappuccinos to be exact. No, I will never be able to spell that correctly.

I took my niece and nephew on a trip all by me onesie. We visited my other sis and her kids in SoCal and then went to a USC football game. So much fun. And so much spoiling of my nieces and nephews.

I went to South Carolina to visit Sunny and got to do all sorts of fun southern activities and eat delicious things that were either fried or cheese, or fried and cheese. I did get stuck on a grounded plane for 6 hours while flying out there. Not the most fun day of my life.
Speaking of transportation woes, I also took a day-long bus ride from Oregon back to SF. My flight was cancelled because of the plane crash and, strangely, flights to and from tiny towns in Southern Oregon weren’t high on the priority list of getting rescheduled. I rented a car and drove part way, and then I took an 8 hour long bus ride back to SF. Well, actually. I got off the bus to use the bathroom in Oakland and it left without me, so ALMOST to SF.

I went on vacation with my entire family. All 18 of us.

I got MRSA and a needlestick. Thanks, healthcare profession. But I did also get my own office in our new building and got everything squared away for my prescribing license. So it evens out.

I joined Facebook. 

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 1- when I was so so SO happy that 2012 was FINALLY OVER.

February 10- Lunar New Year, when I realized that the Universe actually wants me on the lunar calendar, because that’s when things started to turn around.
February 13- Galentine’s Day, which I have decided to start celebrating.

July 19- the day my clinic moved and also the day I was SUPPOSED to go on another trip to Central America with 0peration Rainb0w, with my dad AND my sister who is also a nurse. I asked for the time off MONTHS in advance, but I ended up not being able to go because my clinic moved. So that week was extremely busy and also infuriating.
July 26- my birthday, which I didn’t get off from work because of the aforementioned clinic move. This has inspired me to ALWAYS take my birthday off from work. Because nobody cares it’s your birthday except you! It was actually not SO bad because it was a Friday and my mom took me to lunch and my boyfriend (BOYFRIEND) sent me flowers. July 26 is ALSO the day when boyfriend and I became, like, official and whatnot.
[This sentence is just a filler so there is something between the previous item and the next one. These two dates are too close together for my liking.]

The weekend after my birthday weekend- will forever be remembered as my rapeiversary. August 5 to be exact, but for some reason the weekend, not just that day, gave me a lot of anxiety.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Finishing trauma counseling. I can't believe how difficult and amazing it turned out to be.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? 

Wendy Davis

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Jerky dudes. Jerky dude politicians.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent, student loans, car repairs, my cat's extensive dental surgery.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? 
Vacations. Football season. Christmas.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: 
a) happier or sadder? Happier
b) thinner or fatter? Fatter
c) richer or poorer? Richer

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Angst and obsess.

21. Did you fall in love in 2013?
Um. Amazingly, yes. Who saw that coming? NOT ME.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Parks and Rec, Chopped, Dance Moms, Sister Wives, Monk, House Hunters. Yikes, that’s a lot of reality TV.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
 No.

24. What was the best book you read?
The Rook, Divergent

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
There was this one morning when I got up and plugged in my speakers and discovered that my computer had been playing Thrift Shop on a loop for 24 hours.
That's 885 plays.
I have since adopted it as a unit of time. 885 macklemores = 1 day. So there are 37 macklemores in an hour. Okay? Good. Glad you're coming with me on this.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Now You See Me, Catching Fire, Pitch Perfect, Frozen

32. What kept you sane?
Vacations, medication, treats, caramel mocha fraps, texting, reading, hot baths, my friends, doing good deeds, twittah, shopping, my job, going out, staying in, bad reality TV, liquor, inappropriate jokes, my family, trauma counseling, going out of my way for other people.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Jennifer Lawrence.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Marriage equality. Women's rights. Human rights.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012. 
Staying in is a perfectly reasonable and lovely thing to do.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn

Graduation Gifties

Now that I've finished with my Giant Paper Thing people tend to assume that I'm done with everything. "So you're done!" they say. "What have you been doing with yourself?" And I have to explain that, no no, the Giant Paper Thing was due in the middle-beginningish of the quarter and actually I still have a full month left of classes and clinicals. Plus, I've been doing all that stuff I put off while I was frantically working. I'm really still just as busy as I was before, but now I shower.

My sister has been bugging me to come up with a graduation gifty list (assuming that the next month or so goes according to plan and I do indeed graduate). TWIST MY ARM, I said to that.

Here are some things I like, just in case you had a hankering to buy me things or if you were looking for inspiration for your own wish list. Or whatever. This was basically just an excuse to troll through Etsy and find things I like.

This Jackalope Feltidermy is the NUMBER ONE OMG BESTEST THING I WANT WANT WANT.

All photos are from their respective Etsy sellers.

I decided I would buy it for myself as a Happy Graduation to Me present. But then I tried to contact the seller twice about special ordering one and she never responded. SADFACE.

Moving on.

I also like this rainy day pillow.

Or this rainbow tree pillow.

Non-white handkerchiefs like this one would be useful.

How sweet is this little poppy blossom clutch?

I'm not sure what I would keep in it but I'm sure I could find a use for this bunny pouch.

This owl purse is too cute. Or do the eyes make it creepy?

At $400 this tree shelfy thing is obviously not something I would ever expect to receive as a gift. But I'm including it because I find it adorable. Actually, the $800 one is even cuter. WHY IS ARE THESE EXTRAVAGANCES SO DAMN EXPENSIVE? Oh, right.

This sweatshirt is cute.

Oh, wait, so is this pillow from the same shop! But why is it $82?

Actually I think I like this one better. And I like that it is $28.

Speaking of pillows (again), I like this seat cushion. It would have been nice to have it for my tush while I was stuck for hours and hours writing my Giant Paper Thing.

Oh GOODNESS. A fox on my shoulders? Don't mind if I do.

Also in the category of 'I wouldn't want someone to actually spend this much money on me'-- this wall decal.

Okay I must stop now. It is bedtime. Perhaps I got a little carried away!

Resolutions.

I guess I needed a couple weeks to marinate on it but I have come up with some resolutions. I think I did a pretty good job of keeping last year's, so here we go again:

1. I will try to use my fluoride mouthwash every evening after brushing and flossing.
I forgot about/put off going to the dentist for about a year and I PAID dearly for it this summer and again just a few weeks ago. I'm tired of being drilled and filled and buffed and sanded. So I'm upping my already persnickety tooth care routine.

2. I will try to get the most out of my clinical experiences.
Yesterday I had my first day with a brand new preceptor in a brand new clinical site. My preceptor is a cardiology expert and I really want to improve my cardiac exams and assessments. She seems nice, so far, and she has already given me some tips and told me about a book that might help me. I ordered the book, I'm going to study it, and I'm going to go to clinical bright-eyed (even on the days it starts at 6:30 am) and ready to absorb all the information I can. I only have two (!!!) quarters left in school before I graduate and have to be a REAL Nurse Practitioner and know my shiznat so I'd better take advantage of all the learnin I can get.

3. I will give compliments to people I know AND people I don't know.
Everyone likes getting compliments. And I don't know about you but if I'm having a really crappy day and someone tells me they like my sweater or my earrings or my super awesome Timberland boots?

It helps. So that's what I'm trying to do-- brighten people's days on a small scale.

4. I will try to not be as snippy to store worker people when I can't get my way.
Oof. I had an appointment at the health center a few months ago. I got up, took the train over there, and arrived 15 minutes before my 8 am appointment. And then the front desk guy told me it had been canceled because the doctor I was supposed to see had called in sick. And I got frustrated and snappy at the guy because why didn't they CALL ME? Because didn't have my correct contact info after I changed my phone number. Oh. But then why didn't they EMAIL ME? Because that's not their policy.  Oh. And? The front desk guy was nothing but apologetic and polite to me even as I argued with him. So then I felt really bad. And I'm going to try harder. Because it wasn't HIS fault. Nor is it the tired, grumpy cashier's fault that the store doesn't do refunds, only exchanges. Nor is it the frustrated-with-her-boss receptionist's fault that my clinical paperwork didn't get approved. So even if the store workers aren't nice to me, I'm going to be more polite and less bitchy because, as my mom says, "you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar."

5. I will not drink soda every day.
I will not drink soda every day.

I WILL NOT drink soda every day.

Flea Market Finds

Approximately six months ago I ended up at a flea market by accident. We had meant to go to the farmer's market but went to the site on the wrong day. I've always liked thrift stores and consignment shops and yard sales and random little antiquey junk shops but I hadn't really ever been to a flea market (as my dad would say "who would want to buy fleas?"). So it was on this particular Sunday that I discovered THE THING THAT HAD BEEN MISSING FROM MY LIFE. Because! Flea markets! OMG.

You would THINK that flea markets embody many of the things I dislike-- being watched while I'm shopping, being spoken to by salespersons, and HAGGLING. This is true. But those factors are counteracted by the numerous things I DO like about it. Namely:
- shopping
- rifling through other people's stuff
- acquiring unique, often antique things
- buying items used and cheap
- TOUCHING THINGS, particularly smally trinkety objects

I bought a set of four of these trays on that first day.

The woman who sold them to me was something of a self-haggler. By that I mean that I asked her how much she wanted for the trays and she said "Hm... uh, eight dollars?" I think I must have looked surprised at the price (I was expecting it to be around $20) because then she said "Five dollars?" And I handed her five dollars. I kind of felt like I had to stop her before she went even lower. But I LOVE the trays and I use them all the time.

I bought this little ceramic watering can because I have plants and therefore I NEEDED a watering can. LOGIC.

This is kind of a sheisty picture of the little jar set and lazy susan I picked up at the Alameda Antique's Faire. Trust me when I say it is adorable. I think it is supposed to be used for condiments but I'm using it to store buttons and clothespins and other things of that nature.

Quilted dog (?) couch pillow thing! LOVE. I thought it was a steal at $2.

A touch of class for my apartment. Even though I've moved on to glass bottle Cokes, I'm still a Pepsi (or Pezbi as I tend to pronounce it) gal at heart.

Okay. This is my herd of Breyer horses. I started buying them a few months ago because they cost quite a pretty penny to buy new and I have several nieces who very much like them. So I would pick up a horse here or there when I saw it and I planned to give one to each of my nieces for Christmas. They ended up being a big hit!

Unfortunately this photo was taken yesterday and it represents my post-Christmas stock of Breyer horses. I'm not sure how long I can continue to use my nieces as an excuse for buying them.

Anyhow.

Cups!

I seem to have a thing for cups.

And do you spy the wee baby Breyer horse?

Something that happens as the flea market is coming to an end is that some of the booths drastically lower their prices. The owners will start yelling "ONE DOLLAR ITEMS HERE!" and people will flock over, frantically searching for something to buy. It's not unlike last call at a bar when everyone's got their beer goggles firmly in place, scouring the crowd in desperation for someone to take home.
Last Sunday I was looking at this little box just moments before they announced that items on the table were one dollar. Score.

But my FAVORITE thing I got last Sunday? OMG.

I had been keeping my eye out for a rotary dial phone ever since I decided that I WANTED one. I'm surprised I found one so clean and pretty and bright blue and cheap. Go ahead and dial that number-- it isn't mine.

One of the things that I learned from my MAGIC BOOK (One Year to an Organized Life, by Regina Leeds) is that it is okay to spend time and money on things for your home. Your home, she explains, is where you spend the majority of your time-- it should be a sanctuary, a place where you feel comfortable and happy. The objects you choose to have around you should reflect your personality and your taste. Looking back over these photos it appears that my taste is not unlike that of a 7 year old girl. The book has a lot of explanation about how not to have CLUTTER AND CHAOS in your home but on the other hand it is okay to have THINGS as long as they are serve a purpose. I'm interpreting that to mean that something doesn't have to serve a functioney purpose (like this is a plate and I'm eating off it) but it can be decorative or collecty and still increase my ZEN. Erm. I think.

Better with Butter

Remember when I said I was giving up butter?

Yeah. That was... some kind of temporary insanity.

I've given up belts instead.

SSTOA- Drinkies and Bad Reality TV

I guess I'll start at the beginning?

I arrived at the super secret destination of Sunny San Diego on Friday afternoon. I met up with Jenny and Holly at the airport Chili's, where they were on their second drinks. We said our hello(!!!!!)s and Jenny prompted me to order a drink. So I turned to the waiter and asked for a Lava Flow, which is a drink that is real and exists and I have ordered at other Chili's Restaurants but then he just stared at me blankly. So I asked again, "Could I have a lava flow?"
He blinked, "Well I mean.... if we have the ingredients."
"Uh. Okay." I said,  "Rum? Do you have rum?" I asked.
And then he JUST KEPT STARING AT ME. Until he turned and left, presumably to find out if they did have all the ingredients to make a Lava Flow. And can we take a step back here for a moment and all agree that this is a condition when you order ANYTHING AT ALL? That you'd like to have this particular drink or food item, but only if they have the ingredients to make it??

Anyhow. Biddy arrived and we piled into a cab and headed for the beach. Where we, uh. Hung out in the condo, drinking heavily and watching bad reality TV. And then we went out! To an authentic Mexican restaurant which was not really authentic and then to a dive bar called Dive Bar which was not really a dive bar. And there were many, many douchebags. And then it was back to the condo for more drinkies and more bad reality TV.

Saturday involved wandering on the beach, hanging out in the condo, more bad reality TV, and of course MORE DRINKIES. Oh, and Undercovermama came to join in on teh crazy. We decided to go get our nails did. The first place we stopped had a baffling list of services that included "Virgin Tin Ladies" and "Virgin Tin Gentlemen" and "Rolla Set." I was hoping that we could put all the strange sounding services into a hat and each pick one that we had to get but alas the shop couldn't take all of us. But we managed to find a second nail salon, this one with great mani-pedis and a, uh, well. I'm having a hard time coming up with the words to describe the owner lady. She was.... outspoken? Enthusiastic? Pushy? At any rate, she tried to get all of us to get various parts of our bodies waxed. For Jenny, Holly, and me, she recommended eyebrows. For Biddy, a Brazillian. And then it was back to the condo for more drinkies and more bad reality TV.

For our evening entertainment we went out to sushi and then to a bar/club that was AGAIN FULL OF DOUCHEBAGS. But this time we studied them, as anthropologists might.

And then it was back to the condo for bagels, a late night dip in the ocean, tipsy texting and... more drinkies and more bad reality TV.

Rather un-zen....

Things are just a tad messier around here than they've been. I guess I'll be spending some time cleaning.

Oops.

But, well, I had a good time last night. You?

LAPPY!

In the past, oh, hour or so I have become completely obsessed with the idea of getting one of those mini laptops.

I guess it all started earlier today, when I started feeling more and more like I should go to Blogher this year. I had a nebulous idea about it this morning and then by this afternoon I had essentially decided to go. My main reasons for thinking I was not going were (1) money and (2) what if I'm doing something else then? But then I realized that the solutions seem to be (1) credit card and budgeting blah blah and (2) plan to go to Blogher because then that will be the thing that I'm doing then.

And then I realized that if I go to Blogher, I'm going to want to bring my laptop, and wouldn't it be great if I had a MINI laptop to bring? (Yes).

And then Miss Grace told me that they have them at Costco for $notcheapbutreallynotALLthatmuch. What I really want is a give a laptop get a laptop laptop but I don't think they are running the GET part of that deal anymore and it is probably selfish of me but I'd really like to get one if I'm donating two hundred bones (especially since that used to be part of their dealie).

Apparently I've also been nominated by Holly and Miss Grace to bring my "lappy" next weekend. Lappy! I love that Holly calls it a lappy. A LAPPY! If I had a mini laptop, I would certainly call it a lappy. Okay, so here we go. Top Ten Reasons why Superjules Needs a Mini Laptop:

1. I could call it a LAPPY
2. Cuteness
3. Purse fittage
4. Ease on planes
5. I would bring it to class, no really I would
6. uh...
7. It's cheaper than a regular laptop and mine is almost two years old
8. Lightweightness
9. Blogher and other bloggy conference needs
10. LAPPY!

butter me up

There is no butter in my fridge. And I have recently been to the market. What started off as a moment of forgetfullness has blossomed into a calculated maneuver. I'm going butterless.

If you are thinking that this is some sort of high and mighty oh-look-at-me-and-my-fancy-health-consciousness then let me introduce you to the package of Oreos in my kitchen cabinet. I may or may not have eaten six two just now.

No, this is an experiment. I want to see what life is like when butter isn't a choice. Because truth be told sauteeing vegetables in olive oil is fine but man oh man there is nothing like slathering a fat hunk of butter onto a piece of white toast. Or white rice. Or plain noodles. Apparently "putting butter on stuff" is actually my code for "eating processed food." And while I'm not making a pledge here to cut out all things processed (Oreos!), I am taking a small, cautious step away from them. Hold me.

Ways to Disappoint Your Girlfriend

Hey, guys! Are you tired of dealing with your girlfriend? Is her self esteem just a little to high? Does she seem to have just a few too many expectations of you? If you answered yes, well then look no further! Below you will find some time-saving, easy, convenient ways to disappoint your girlfriend and probably take her down a peg or two....

Don't get her a Christmas present.

Don't get her a birthday present.

Don't do anything for Valentine's Day.

Forget your anniversary.

Go to Vegas with your friends over your anniversary.

Go to Brazil with your friends over your anniversary.

Bring her back a pair of earrings from Brazil that give her horrendous ear infections.

Tell her she should work out more.

Lie to her.

Cheat on her.

Tell her she's crazy for not trusting you.

Call her on your anniversary-- to ask her to send you some cash.

Care more about clothes than she does.

Don't introduce her as your girlfriend.

Send your friend an intricately planned out and thoughtful birthday present but get her something generic or nothing at all.

Tell her you're too broke to pay for anything.

Spend all your money on alcohol.

Spend all her money on alcohol.

Don't call her.

Call her, but don't feel like talking.

Talk to her, but don't feel like listening.

Listen to her, but don't offer any empathy.

Tell her you don't like her friends and/or family.

Tell her that your friends and/or family don't like her.

Tell her she's overreacting when she catches you in your web of lies.

Refuse to discuss said web of lies.

Don't invite her to social events with you (weddings, family occasions, parties hosted by mutual friends).

Always want to go to the same greasy spoon restaurant even though it makes her feel sick.

Always split the check, even though you make a lot more money than she does.

Break up with her by deleting her as a friend on Myspace.

Break up with her on a text message.

Break up with her by not answering her phone calls.

Don't break up with her, but just say that you want to take "a break" (Since you're not technically together you can flirt/hook up with other girls. See the nice loophole?)

Wear V necks.

Steal from her.

Tell her she's not as pretty as she used to be.

Tell her she's gotten heavier.

Hang out in Hermosa Beach.



Well there you go, guys. Sounds pretty effective, right? Good luck to you. Oh, and here's a little something in honor of you showing your true colors.

Happy douching, asshats. 

Suitcases

This is a test. I have a brandspankingnew commenting format thanks to the lovely Miss Grace. This is only a test.

But I'll also take this opportunity to tell you about some early Christmas presents I bought, erm, myself. In a supreme act of optimism I got some new suitcases. Because maybe I'll go on some fabulous vacations soon? I think I know of a very important conference happening in New York this summer and I think that if I went, I would NEED cute suitcases. Yes. And, also, my old suitcase was of the no-rolly-no-standy variety. By that I mean it used to be a rolly suitcase. And then one of the wheels got jammed and I didn't realize it until it was too late so I kept pulling it along and it's been rubbed down to a nub. So now the suitcase neither rolls nor stands. But it does hold clothes, which is why I put off buying a new one for, oh, five or six years.

But I found these at Ross:
 I know what you're thinking. They don't match. But that's okay. I'm not planning to use them at the same time. I doubt I'll be going on a vacation requiring THAT much luggage for many moons. Plus, take a look at how purty they are individually and you'll see why I couldn't resist either:


See? Surprise pretty blue on the inside! Preeeetty. I saw that and I knew I had to get that one. And then I took a look at the green one.


And it was just so pocketful that I couldn't resist. This one was a tad pricey (around $80 marked down from $180) but I got SUCH a screaming deal on the other one ($36 marked down from $400) that I was able to justify it. Plus: pockets! Including this extra bonus laptop bag found inside one of the outer pockets:

And now I'm planning to get rid of the old suitcase. But of course someone has recently realized that he LOVES the old suitcase and it's the only place he ever wants to be and please please don't take it away from me.

(Balls.)

Music to my Ears

Some people have those fancy newfangled programs on their iphones or ipods or whatevers where you hold up your device to a radio speaker and it will *ding!* magically tell you whatever is playing. Well I don't have that yet. When I hear a song that I like, I scramble for a scrap of paper and a writing impliment and I start scribbling down the lyrics as fast as I can. Then I google the lyrics and voila! I've found the song I want to download!

A few weeks ago I was wandering around Nordstrom and I came to a dead stop underneath one of their speakers because, wow, there was a good song playing. I whipped out my phone and franticallly texted myself the lyrics to this FANTASTIC song. I went home, googled it, downladed it off itunes, put it on a mix cd and have since been perpetually playing it in my car.

I am shamefully ready to announce the name of that song: Keep it Real. By the Jonas Brothers.

You may commence with the mocking.

Girl Talk: Shoesies!

Shoes!!

Wanna see the shoes I am wearing right this moment? Here they are.

Glamorous, I know. But these babies have carried me through A LOT of 12 hour clinical days at the hospital. And, thanks to the brand-spankin-new insoles I bought (because I was too cheap to buy actual new shoes), I can still use them on the treadmill. Win.

Okay, here are my other shoes. The heap below is the general "casual" shoe section of my closet minus a couple pairs that must still be in my car from the road trip. Those crazy high top DCs are still unlaced because I haven't quite gotten up the guts to actually wear them.


Anyhow, the shoe rack contains more shoes.


And there are shoe boxes next to the shoe rack.... And, see waaayyy up there on the top shelf of the closet?

Boots.

I mentioned in a previous post that I am totally the Princess and the Pea when it comes to shoes. They must be comfortable or else I will not wear them. If they are cute then certainly I will buy them, as you can see here:


Most of these are around the semi-ish comfortable range on my feetsies. They have been worn on between one and five occasions. Approximately. Give or take. Ish.

Sometimes, I reach for these.

They are pretty and sparkly and perfect for a dinner or wedding or to dress up a summer outfit, but not great for extended periods of dancing or walking.

More often than not, I go back to my old faithfuls.

I know they're not much to look at now, but trust me they had their heyday. You know, back when I wore them to junior prom.... But I slap 'em on with a pair of jeans and I am ready to rock the night away. Or, as in the case of a recent weekend in Chico, drive and dance and text and be called uptight and judgmental the night away.

A Bowl of Rainbows

Ever wonder what $30 of saltwater taffy looks like?


Actually, this is probably more like $20 worth since a lot of it didn't make it all the way home from the store.