Now, take a look at this photo.
Let me back up.
I recently joined one of those online dating sites, because I'm single now and BY GOD I'm going to MINGLE. I'm gonna mingle the hell out of this shit. I'm gonna mingle like it's 1999. Mingle.
Anyhow! I joined the site and so far it has been surprisingly positive experience. It's been a nice little bump for my self esteem, seeing the messages pour in. Most people seem relatively normal.
There are the random weirdish messages like this:
|He is very sincere and single.|
|You're right! There is no point.|
And then there are the exceptionally weird messages.
For some reason I seem to be attracting a disproportionate number of guys want to (a) see naked photos of me, (b) tell me about their tremendous wieners, or (c) both.
I exchanged a couple messages with a dude who seemed normalish, let's call him NewFriend1. He was from out of town but will soon be moving near SF, so he's looking to meet new people around here. Like I said, he SEEMED normal. Until he started instant messaging me.
He first told me a long-winded story about how he's originally from Canada, and lived in New Zealand for awhile, but he likes living in the US now because American women are way better than those in New Zealand, and would I like to know why? He was willing to talk about it, but it was kind of a personal story.
I said sure.
|Yeah, he was really reluctant to divulge the 'problem' with New Zealand ladies.|
I tried to give him a chance to backpedal, explaining that, hey, this is the internet.
|Yeah, I know I spelled accommodate wrong.|
Annnnd that was the end of NewFriend1.
Unfortunately, this has not been an isolated incident.
I got message from another dude, let's call him S-Wow.
He answered with this:
Anyhow, I didn't respond to that message, because I AM NOT INTERESTED IN DISCUSSING FELLATI0 WITH A STRANGER ON THE INTERNET. I feel like that should be obvious, but maybe it's a point I need to add to my guidelines.
Anyhow, I thought my interaction with S-Wow had ended, but a few days later as I was checking the site for new emails, he sent me an instant message.
|I thought I made myself clear with "you're messaging the wrong lady." Apparently not.|
|HE ADMITTED THIS TACTIC DOESN'T ACTUALLY WORK FOR HIM.|
|He doesn't even HAVE the biggets wang, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.|