Tuesday, August 17, 2010

This Just In: I DO NOT LIKE CAPERS

If you have ever been a child or spent time with children you probably know that they can be finicky eaters. It's amazing-- without ever having tried something, somehow young children just know they don't like it! "I don't LIKE that stuff" my niece will say, pointing at the offending freshly grated parmesan cheese atop her pasta shells.

But I really have no high horse when it comes to this subject. I was the child who went through the "only white foods" phase wherein I refused to eat anything but white bread, cottage cheese, marshmallows, and rice. And I spent a long time (I'm talking years) not liking certain foods just because I hadn't really tried them. Olives. Pickles. Shrimp. Cashews. Lentils. Broccoli. Swiss cheese. Oysters. Mushrooms. Jalapeno Poppers. Onions. Custard. Sushi. I decided I didn't like these foods and so I didn't eat them.

Over the years I managed to take off my crazy hat and realized that I, in fact, DID like these foods. That pickles are saltily delicious and Sushi is bite-sized and nummy and Jalapeno Poppers WERE SENT STRAIGHT FROM THE HEAVENS.

Anyhow.

On Sunday my mom took me to Gayle's Bakery which you should totally visit if you are ever in the neighborhood. Becauase uh mah guh, you guys. The pastries! The breads! The cookies! The sandwiches and cakes! The num!

I decided on a ham and brie sandwich on french bread and started eating it with great enthusiasm. It was delicious! Or was it? Something was... off. I stopped to examine the sandwich before I took another bite.
And I saw them.
Capers.

CAPERS ON MY SANDWICH.

GAAAAAAH.

I had always unconsciously classified Capers into that category of "foods I just ignore." Sure they might be on some chicken dish I ordered at a restaurant but I could just scoot them out of the way and forget about them. I didn't think I cared too much either way about capers but I preferred not to eat them.

But then they were right there smooshed in my sandwich! All green and glisteny with hairy-looking stuff squishing out. GAAAAH.

So. Capers. Capers have now been reclassified into the category of FOODS I DO NOT LIKE. Or perhaps FOODS THAT ARE TRYING TO STEAL MY SOUL. I don't know what precisely it is about them but on Sunday I discovered that capers reduce me to involuntary twitches and shudders and I have to put my hands on the back of my neck and rock back and forth and squeeze my eyes shut and hold my breath and I can't even look at my sandwich anymore because, seriously CAPERS ARE EVIL.