alarming

Last weekend Niall decided to make meatloaf. The concept had previously not appealed to him, which makes sense given its name. Meat... loaf. However, he realized that he likes all the ingredients that typically go into a meatloaf, so he thought he’d give it a go. I found him the Pioneer Woman’s recipe online and he modified it in an apparent effort to include as many animals as possible (ground beef, ground lamb, bacon strips over the top).

The baconey drippings from the meatloaf got a bit scorched in the oven while it was baking, which meant that our fire alarm went off and we subsequently learned that our fire alarm is the least alarmed sounding alarm in the world. It makes a pitiful little meep noise and also says the words “Fire. Fire.” I don’t feel like our fire alarm takes its job very seriously. In fact, I wouldn’t even call it a fire alarm. It’s more of a fire calmly announce.

By contrast, my old building’s fire alarm system was absolutely MILITANT about its job. Whenever I cooked pretty much anything it would start shrieking at me and I’d have to open the window and fan the alarm unit with a towel until it shut the hell up. If there was fire detected or an alarm pulled in any of the common areas of the building, there was a speaker inside every apartment that would make siren noises and ALSO shout at you:

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE.

AN ALARM HAS BEEN ACTIVATED.

WE ARE INVESTIGATING THE CAUSE.

PLEASE REMAIN CALM AND STANDBY NEAR THE SPEAKER FOR FURTHER INSTRUCTION.

[short pause]

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE…. Etc.

This would repeat on a loop over and over until whatever happened was figured out, at which point we would usually get an announcement like “Thank you for your attention, this has been a false alarm” or whatever. The longest it ever went on while I lived there was probably only about 15 minutes, but that FEELS LIKE ETERNITY when, say, you’re woken up from a sound sleep in the middle of the night.

Last night I made brownies and I went to bed right after I took them out of the oven. I woke up this morning feeling unusually warm. The whole apartment felt unusually warm. And then I found out that I had accidentally LEFT THE OVEN ON ALL NIGHT.

I think I may have mentioned this previously, my cousin once used her blow dryer and then put it away under the sink in her bathroom and then left for work. When she came home that afternoon she found that HER HOUSE HAD BURNED DOWN. (She’s fine, her family is all fine, but house = gone.)

Burning the house down is one of my nightmares. And I left the oven on! All night! What if something had caught fire? What if the house had burned down? If I left the oven on, what if this means I might leave OTHER things on and forget about them also? OHMYGOD I’m going to burn our house down, or not put the emergency brake on my car when I park it on a hill and have it roll down and hit someone, or turn on the garbage disposal when somebody is fishing out a spoon, or leave a vulnerable person or animal in a hot car, or SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO HAPPEN AND IT WILL BE ALL MY FAULLLLLLLLLT.

My fire calmly announce may not be very alarmed, but I certainly am.

Looks like I'm the asshat.

Now that I am at my sister's house, I am happy to report:

1. She doesn't use paper plates on an everyday basis. She uses regular dishes.

2. She recycles.

3. She uses rags for cleaning instead of paper towels.

4. She uses cloth napkins. I saw them sitting on the table tonight, all pretty and flowered and soft from repeated uses and washings and, ding!, I remembered: I started using cloth napkins a few years ago AFTER I SAW MY SISTER USE THEM AT HER HOUSE.

something very rash

You know what's kind of embarrassing? When you have to have a doctor tell you that you have poison oak.

And you're a nurse.

And you're studying to be a nurse practitioner.

And you just took a final in your Symptoms Management class which included a section on dermatology.

But allow me to convince you that I am NOT a complete moron but am instead a victim of the following:
1. I. am. very. itchy. Being uncomfortably, distractedly itchy makes it HARDER TO THINK.
2. The rash showed up on a random morning after I put on a shirt that I hadn't worn in a month or so, possibly not since I switched detergents, convincing me that it had to be contact dermatitis.
3. The rash is only on the right side of my body, convincing me that it had to be shingles.
4. The rash seemed to be getting worse, convincing me that it had to be impetigo.
5. The rash looked like it was in a linear pattern, convincing me that it had to be SCABIES.
6. I AM ITCHY.

The rash is red and bumpy and goes all the way down the right side of my torso with random patches on my stomach, leg, and tushy. Can you picture it? Now picture me a couple days ago, wearing a skirt and which is wafting in the breeze and therefore brushing against and tickling the rash. Now picture me clenching my teeth and squinting and trying very hard to ignore the tickling/itching and finally reaching a breaking point wherein I forget that anyone is around me, and with a growl of anguish reach down my skirt and groan with relief as I SCRATCH SCRATCH SCRATCH MY BUTT.

Now picture me picking up the phone and finally making an appointment with my doctor. "I need to come in, I have a rash on my tushy."

Education versus Intelligence, Exhibit A.

Well, I did say that sometimes highly educated people do really stupid things. Apparently, I felt the need to prove it.

I have a Bachelor's degree and a Master's degree. I graduated cum laude from college. I had a 3.96 gpa in grad school-- at that graduation they gave me a freakin MEDAL. I am currently working on my second Master's degree. So. I'm SMART.... right?

Well.

Remember that awesome little spice rack I bought the other day?

"Ooh!" I thought to myself, "This is perfect! I'll buy this and put it on the counter and then I can move all the spices that I already have from the cupboard into the spice rack. I will have easily accessable spices AND more room in my cupboards. Brilliant!"



Oh yeah. Brilliant.

Math

Rice + Veggies + Meat Sauce + Cheese = Not A Good Breakfast.

I was in a hurry. I had several containers of leftovers in the fridge. I thought that rice could maybe be substituted for pasta in a pinch? Nope.

NCLEX Application + End Of The Quarter Approaching = Running All Over Town.

I turned in a transcript request to the registrar on Monday ($10). I went to the police station last night to get fingerprinted ($71). Today, I went to the mailboxes store and got a passport photo taken ($10ish). Now all I have to do is turn in a transcript form to the administrator, finish filling out my application, and mail it in with the appropriate fees ($130ish) and I'll be done! Done applying to take the test, that is.

Birthdays + Borders 75% Off Section = Awesome.

Swistle is always talking about the fabulous 75% off section at Target but I went yesterday and couldn't seem to find it. Was I just not trying hard enough? Probably. But, is it actually not ONE specific section but rather nooks and crannies within the regular sections? I have bought things on extreme sale at Target before but I can't seem to recall and this time, when I was LOOKING for it, I couldn't find it. And I was kind of disappointed because I had ideas about buying cute Valentine's day stuff that was marked way down. But I probably missed out on that anyhow since Valentine's day was 2 weeks ago. Okay, so, fail. However, I stopped by Borders on my way to the mailboxy place because it's my sis's birthday in a couple days. And Borders also has a great little 75% off section with pens, pretty notebooks, cards, bags, bubble baths, lip balms, and other cute gifties. I got her a bunch of stuff that she can either use or re-gift and, let's face it, my sister is decidedly non-sentimental so it could equally be one or the other.

Ash Wednesday + Brain Malfunction = Lent Fail.

So last Wednesday was Ash Wednesday and I am giving up... uh. I'm giving up, uh.... I'm, uh... Okay. What is the matter with me? I have given up Pepsi. I have given up ALL Soda (this was when I was a confirmed soda addict). I have given up marshmallows, bacon, chocolate, and... uh... something else I can't remember. Why can't I think of anything this year? There was also one year when, instead of giving something up, I pledged to exercise every day. And all of these times? I've done it. So what's the matter with me? This year I'm, uh.... I'm... uh....

Saturday Night + Milkshake = A Happy Jewels.

I know it's lame but I am seriously looking forward to puttering around my apartment for awhile, taking a hot bath, and then snuggling up in bed. And I washed my sheets and bought two new pillows and pillowcases yesterday at Target, soo *claps hands excitedly*!

Ways in which I have recently failed

I really thought I had it all under control. I know I have made big lifestyle changes and have had to give up a number of things. But other than that, I honestly thought that I had a pretty good handle on things.

A closer look at recent occurrences gives striking evidence that much of my life gets a big, fat, FAIL.

- I didn't realize that the first USC game was August 30th until 9pm on the 29th. Since I don't have TV at my apartment, I raced to my parents' house, calling my mom and begging her to prepare chips and salsa. I missed kickoff.

- I was in charge of the August CD and mailed it out on September 2nd. I had honestly been mentally creating the CD for a good 6 months. But then I got a new computer and I don't have an external hard drive so I couldn't instantly transfer all of my music. So I started actually making the CD and finished it in the early August 20s. And then I tried to mail it at Staples on August 29, but the saleswoman tried to charge me $22 for each package (of which there were 11) for some unknown reason so then I had to wait until I could go to the post office.

- I was planning to leave Bowie at my parents' house while I was in LA. I forgot to mention this to my parents until the day I was leaving when my mom informed me she wouldn't be at the house for 2 of the days.

- I didn't visit my former workplace while I was in LA.

- I flaked on Miss Jennifer. On her birthday.

- I was going to make CDs for my family members. I didn't get around to it. I decided I could still do it in LA but then I forgot to bring my laptop with me.

- I volunteered to bring bagels for my group's unit on our last clinical day. When I got to Safeway I decided that bagels would be too expensive. I texted the people in my group, saying I would bring donuts instead. I walked home, looked up a couple of donut shops, called them and asked their hours and prices. I decided that the prices were actually pretty similar and if I had wanted to save money I should have made cookies or brownies or something like all the other groups were doing. I also decided that I didn't want to get up any earlier than I already was just to go to the donut shop. I walked back to Safeway and spent 30 minutes agonizing about the amount of people on the unit and the correct ratio of bagels to cream cheese. When I brought the bagels in, I was greeted with "I thought you said you were bringing donuts..?"

- I asked C if he wanted to go to San Diego with me. He said maybe. I forgot and assumed he was going with me. I got mad and cried when he told me he wasn't sure if he was going.

- C told me about his friend's show that he was really excited about. I planned to go, but then I forgot about it and changed my LA plans 4 times.

- I drove Stef to LA and told her that I would be going to San Diego one of the days so I could maybe give her a ride. I drove to San Diego, but forgot to call Stef and offer her a ride.

- I forgot to call my sister back to tell her when I was on my way so I arrived at her house and had to wait for 2 hours.

- I made semi plans in LA for Friday night but ended up being too tired to drive back from San Diego that night and I didn't call anyone involved.

- I was planning to sell some of my USC football tickets to my friends while in LA since I can't go to all the games. I didn't sell any.

- I noticed there was no conditioner in the hall bathroom at my parents' house. I went to Target and came home with what turned out to be two bottles of shampoo.

- I forgot to clean out my fridge or empty the trash before I left my apartment for a week and a half.

- I haven't ordered my books for next quarter yet, even though classes start on Wednesday.