Crunch Time. With Lists.

Currently and for the next couple of weeks my life is going to look a lot like this.

Oh yeah. You're jealous.
Big Giant Don't-Pass-and-You-Don't-Graduate Paper is due in just a couple short weeks (!!!!) and in an obnoxious turn of events I have to pause my frantic work on that and focus on class tomorrow. Because I am leading it. In the interest of full disclosure, I did volunteer for this. Because! Everyone has to lead class once this quarter and I picked tomorrow for the following reasons:
1. I definitely don't want to lead class next week, when my Giant Paper due date is even CLOSER.
2. I DEFINITELY don't want to lead class the week after that, when my Giant Paper is due.
3. I definitely don't want to lead class the week after that, when my Giant Paper has been turned in and I'm mentally checked out.
4. It will be nice to get it over with.
5. I feel like sometimes things like this are a little less structured and intense when you go first...?

I am slightly nervous since I emailed the professor asking her several questions about how tomorrow will go and what exactly I am supposed to do to prepare and I haven't heard back from her. So. I guess I'll be making it up. I'm not TOO nervous since my class is full of my friends-- gals I've known for 2 years now,  most of us in our final quarter of the program.
Well my class is full of my friends, except for this one lady about whom I have a bad attitude because the first day I met her she cornered me and gave me a list of reasons why my specialty shouldn't exist. MY SPECIALTY. Geriatrics. Shouldn't exist! I stood there, mouth hanging open confusedly as she explained that it would be better if I were an Adult Nurse Practitioner because then I'd be able to treat more people. I was so taken aback and confounded that I wasn't able to articulate an eloquent response, let alone ANYTHING AT ALL. I basically said "Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man" and walked away and have since vented my rage at anyone who will listen. Because?
1. Hey! Shut up!
2. My specialty shouldn't exist? How about YOUR specialty shouldn't exist? HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
3. Seriously! Shut up!
4. The population is aging. Yes, I do indeed think that Ger0nt0logical Nurse Practiti0ners are necessary. Step off.
5. WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY CLASS? My class full of Ger0 specialty students. Explain yourself or get out.
6. Better yet, explain yourself AND get out.

Anyhow. I hope you enjoyed this disjointed, vaguely insane rant of stress and misplaced anger. I think it paints a rather accurate picture of my current status.

Letters

Dear Birthday,
Couldn't you hang back for a week or two? I think I'll be more ready for you then.
~ Jules


Dear Palmdale Dude,
If a group of friends are splitting the check at a restaurant, it is not appropriate to hand me $17 for your $17 dinner. In California, we pay tax and tip. When I ask you for a few extra bucks because I think you have forgotten to include it, open up your wallet-- don't tell me it's just "your way" to not tip. If you don't pay tax or tip, your friends have to pick up the slack. And guess who we won't be inviting next time we go out to eat?
~ Jules


Dear Duggars,
For your next published work, please refrain from writing in the first person for both of you. It is just plain aggravating to read "I (Jim Bob) went to the store" or "I (Michelle) was exhausted" over and over again. Also, tuna fish and barbecue sauce? Really?
~ (Jules)


Dear Family,
I did not get my tattoo to express anguish or depression. I am not trying to hurt anyone, and I am sorry if I have. Of course I love you and care what you think, but I'm not about to live my life based on other people's judgment.
~ Me


Dear Steve Madden,
I think $50 is too much to pay for plain black flats. And that was on sale.
~ Jules
p.s. Settle a bet- are you related to John Madden?


Dear Potential Employers,
Please hire me. I know I am a new nurse, but I am meticulous, thorough, smart, and eager to learn. Give me a chance!
~ Jules, RN

Dear Silver Dollar Sized Patch of Skin on the Back of My Leg,
Why are you cold all the time? Are you trying to tell me that I have a vascular disease? Please go away.
~ Jules


I borrowed this format from Swistle and Nowheymama.

The Last Word

I'm the kind of person who tends to obsess about conversations long after they have happened. I'll feel like I didn't get to express myself in the precise way that I had meant to so I'll catch myself muttering "No, YOU don't understand" or "I can't believe you would think that" while on the Muni or in the shower, whatever.

With that in mind, I have a few choice words for seven different people who are no longer in my life.

1. I am sorry that I let you walk all over me so much. I have to live with that. But at least I don't have to live with myself as the asshole who walks all over people! Oh, and also? You're not that great, you just think you are.

2. The only thing I regret is that it took so long for me to understand the person that you are and that I needed to say goodbye to you.

3. You were a terrible boss. You fostered an environment of cattiness and gossip and you drove our organization toward (not quite into) the ground. I can't believe they threw you a party when you left.

4. I can forgive most things people do because they are either sorry or I feel like I've wronged them too or they don't properly understand the situation or whatever. But you? You would not help me when you were the only one around and I was at my most vulnerable. And then you refused to believe that you were wrong. So, go to hell. Jerk.

5. I don't think I'm doing anything wrong, but if you want to talk about what an inconsiderate bitch I am then fine, let's do it. But don't just huff around and expect me to ask you why you're mad at me. It's not my job to make you use your words.

6. It took you a SOLID YEAR to admit you were even mad at me, only to tell me that if I wanted to be your friend I was going to have to make a big effort. And it was all over some stupid misunderstanding. How about this? GET OVER IT.

7. I changed my mind! I'll take the money instead!

To Whom it May Concern,

I was going to post a comment, but I have a rather lot to say in response to this post and the heated flurry of comments it has generated. Jenny is one of my dearest friends so I cannot possibly be unbiased but I have a few things to say to Sir Anonymous/K. Dot.

1. I remember when Jenny and you first broke up. I remember that she was sad because of what it meant for her son. But I also remember her telling me (and Molly, from what I've read in the comments) that you are a good father, that your relationship with Gabriel is special and wonderful, and that she wanted to make a life for herself in Chico. I remember how hard it was for her and how much she agonized about it. Events transpired and she ended up back in Santa Cruz. And, as you say, you do not see Gabriel as often anymore. Here's the thing, though. Gabriel is your child. It is your right and responsibility to persue a relationship with him. It is not Jenny's responsibility to drive him up to Sacramento even though she made the decision to move to Santa Cruz. Gabriel and Jenny live in Santa Cruz. You live in Sacramento. Feeling indignant about this won't bring him any closer and treating Jenny with disrespect won't make her want to bring your son to you any more often. Even if she did "promise" to bring him to see you (which I doubt), it does not matter. If you want to see your son, see your son. That is the bottom line.

2. Why do you constantly feel like you have to mention that you left Jenny 4ish times before she moved out? From what I know of your relationship, I don't believe you. And even if it is true, WHO CARES? You care, apparently. But I can't understand why. What is your point, exactly? Why is this so important to you? And, just so you know, that scenario doesn't make you look any better... saying you broke up with Jenny several times before you officially broke up just makes it sound like you were too wishy washy and douchebaggy to shit or get off the pot. Whether you left her or she left you, nobody cares anymore. The relationship is over, so let it go.

3. I believe there are two sides to every story. And I don't necessarily agree with Jenny's decision to post so much of your interactions and disagreements on the internet. But your response of calling names and pointing fingers does not help your case. You say you don't care what she writes, but you appear to get very heated and angry about it. If you truly don't care what she writes about you, then don't read it. It clearly pushes your buttons, so maybe you should just try and stay away from it. And also, don't get all high and mighty about how Jenny blogs about her personal life and you wouldn't ever do that because, um, what's this?

4. I think it is interesting that you also feel the need to point out what a superior person you are becasue of your career, education level, money, etc etc. It is very nice to have those things. But there are fascinating people who are poor. There are brilliant people who are uneducated. There are successful people who do start out in crappy jobs. Some of the best people I know have held minimum wage jobs or been to jail. Remember, a true man is not measured by the weight of his purse.

These are my opinions. I know they will probably not change how you feel or act, but I do hope that you take some of it to heart. When I knew you, I never thought you were a bad person. Relationships are complicated and none of us will ever truly know what happened between you and Jenny. And, really, none of that matters now. All that matters is Gabriel and providing a stable, loving, consistent environment for him because someday he will be old enough to judge you for himself.

Sincerely,
Jewels